[ Jacopo for some reason has an easy time and also hard time forgetting, likewise remembering.
He does think Lucas is weird... If this happened to him, he wouldn't be quite okay with it. Or maybe he would be. Hard to know when you're not in the same position and years have also changed him a bit, eroded some of his edges. When experiences become many, you become not quite numb, but desensitized to what would be unnerving for the most part.
Still, he thinks he would overreact, but a normal amount, he tells himself. ]
You come to my home on invitation and think you can start up negotiations. [ Leaning forward, he props his elbow onto his knee, then rest his chin on his palm. ] That's some arrogance.
Even years and years can't erode Jacopo's delusional sense that he's the only normal person in the bar though, huh. Even with some of his edges eroded he's still out here like "man this guy is a freak, thank god I'm the normal person here". ARE YOU NORMAL JACOPO? WERE YOU EVER??
He wears his amusement openly though, not leaning forward in turn but definitely seeming very comfortable in the space of this sketchy artbook doodle of a man and his fantasy wheat world. He is often more comfortable than he should be in any given space, but why wouldn't he feel that way when he'd been invited, for all intents and purposes?]
Is it? I think it's not so egregious, really. You won't indulge my curiosity even a little...? I've come all this way.
[HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW FAR "ALL THIS WAY" IS nothing is linear when you're a spirit just gently drifting between life and death.]
[ Humanity at its core is full of idiosyncrasies. We are swiss cheese.
There is nothing in the whole multi-universes that would shake Jacopo's belief that he knows what normal should be like and that in many cases he has normal reactions. Does this make him less insane? Not in particular.
Being invited to a place you've only seen as a mirage should be concerning, but it is peaceful here. Nothing bad has or will ever happen in this little tranquil dream. It is Jacopo's haven, after all, but now it houses a demon whom Jacopo is trying to converse with. His index finger taps his cheek a couple of times because ALL THIS WAY is so relative.
Pensive. ]
... After my time in Heaven, I did find Morgana and apologized to her like I said I would.
[WE ARE SWISS CHEESE. It's fine... Humans love cheese and are cheese. It is the nature of all things: cyclical.
Jacopo being insane should probably counterbalance some of his seeming normalcy but he can continue to live in his bizarre state of dual existence in which he is both super abnormal and also relatively normal. A circus act of a man surrounded by other even louder clowns.
But!! He does lean forward just a little when Jacopo starts them off. He is not a DEMON listen here, he's just a curious man who's interested in knowing what sort of fate befell his friend, whom he became fond of so quickly and stayed fond of even with the wildass murders.]
You did? How did... Did it go well? Were you able to locate her quickly? Was she in another afterlife like ours?
[Morgana just out there in the angry ghost void flipping everyone off.]
[ Listen here... He is relatively normal. So normal. Even the way love drove him to insanity is incredibly normal, you know. Everyone is more insane than him. Their madness is a sea while he sees himself as a puddle some day and an abyss other days. Your best isn't the same every day, likewise your worst.
Jacopo can read that Lucas still shares some fondness for him... And he wonders how could he? While there was a period where they met some kind of unspoken interpersonal compromise, he put up an invisible barrier. He left the bridge between them in tatters, only extending a hand over the gap yet not repairing it for either of them to cross.
There's a snort as he thinks about this rather than about his predicament. Who is he to judge Lucas? After so many years, he holds similar feelings—fondness. Maybe regret. ]
I didn't keep track how long it took to take her. She was in a nebulous plane kind of like here, but different.
[ He gestures to the dream, though this is a specific bubble created in the strange and boundless ethereal sea. Do not expect him to be able to explain mechanics. He's just a man. ]
She didn't take it well, but that was to be expected. She left the world of broken mind, so too was her soul. [ ... ] She didn't hear me—she didn't see me, but I offered my apology, regardless.
[ It is the right thing to do, if not for herself then also for him. ]
[RELATIVELY NORMAL CAN STILL BE SO INSANE!!!! LOVE DOESN'T DRIVE NORMAL PEOPLE CRAZY!!!! But it is true at least that on the sliding scale of insanity, he tends to rank fairly low. He is still on the scale, though. ALSO WHY IS IT JUST PUDDLE VS. ABYSS oh the duality of man.
Meanwhile, Lucas is just vibing, unaware of the way Jacopo is wondering after his fondness. Even with invisible barriers and tattered bridges, it's the person who's standing on the other side whom he values. Even if he can't reach out and hold that hand, or at least not hold it so easily, he can still hold Jacopo himself in fondness.
It's that same fondness that colors his expression here and now; the softness of his sympathy, the quiet way that he takes in the few short sentences that may hide a bigger wealth of sorrow.]
...I'm glad that you were able to offer your apology. [Said just as softly, with a small smile. Like this, with all of his sharp edges contained, it's easy to see how he managed for so long both in life and in death without stirring any concern.]
I hope that she's able to find wholeness again in some way, somehow, wherever she may be now. I hope that you are, as well.
[Because Jacopo is here and he's surrounded by a nebulous plane in which nothing bad has or will ever happen, but the scars of the soul don't face as easily as the face apparently can.]
I feel more myself than I ever been, if that's reassuring at all. She has become whole, too. [ Whether it's reassuring is for Lucas to decide. Congratulations Morgana for no longer being fractured. His smile is there, though it becomes fuzzier than before. ] Someone else saved her.
[ And while there's an abundant well of relief and happiness when he says that, there's a tinge of ugly envy in it in spite the golden wheat, warm sun, and crisp breeze from the sea.
Ugly envy is a reminder that he has done absolutely nothing for her. He had only plunged her in despair. He has no right to take her hand. He has no right... To save her, having lost it so long ago. Useless to the very end. Self-loathing is a personal affliction, difficult to cure. ]
She's on a journey to find happiness... That is all I could ever wish for.
[ Which isn't true despite how resigned he sounds. How can anyone not want and dream for more? Especially for her, he wishes he could at least be a part in her life. He doesn't need to be anyone to her. He learned he doesn't need to amount to greatness. If he could make those he loves happy, then it would be enough. Just like how he first wanted, first wished, and why he took up the blade.
... But that isn't right for him to want. That is greed he isn't allowed to have. ]
It does sound reassuring to him though, with the context he does (or doesn't) have. Becoming whole is a good thing, after all, is it not? If the alternative is to be broken in some way, or at the very least absent of some important pieces, then wholeness is surely somewhat better.
But Lucas can also pick up on that tiny tinge of envy. It is a very human emotion, after all; to want the best for someone, to be satisfied watching over them from afar, to not even need anything in return but a smile, but to still feel envy for those who manage to succeed where one has failed. His head cants a little to the side at the question posed.]
It's a fair summary, at least in regards to Morgana.
[It does not escape his notice that there was like a 3:1 ratio of information on Morgana and how she's been faring compared to Jacopo himself and whatever the hell he was up to while someone else was out there making Morgana whole again. Binch would never guess a fucking guy was in the billiards room.]
But it does sound as though things have gone relatively well, yes? May she travel that path for as long and as far as it may lead her, and enjoy a happiness all her own.
[And as he pauses for a moment and glances around this little world again, he wonders if there's a sort of happiness here too, even if it's not necessarily whole or hale.]
It'd be too long to summarize almost a millennia of years. Honestly, I don't think I remember a lot of it.
[ Time in the afterlife is a strange thing. Days do not exist. It is all one moment without a single seam. When a lot of it feels similar, it's hard to know exactly when an hour has passed and onward.
It's not to say he doesn't remember... He remembers some of his trials. He remembers his life as a mafia boss. But he doesn't think it's that important to share right now. Reunions shouldn't be ruined with tragedy and Lucas doesn't need to know he was trapped in a (haha) cage with a fate he couldn't fight.
There is no sorrow in it. He was satisfied with atoning, even though through those years he had wanted to see people again. It was buried under all his guilt, unfortunately. ]
Now... Yourself? Did you marry like your sister wanted you to?
[Said with a bit of startled and quiet awe. HELLO. HELP. IT'S BEEN A WHILE, SAID JACOPO, COMPLETELY UNDERSELLING HOW LONG IT'S BEEN. Lucas may lose track of time in the in-between, but his life was short and his stints in afterlives are also short, even with time bleeding into itself sometimes in the way it seems to do in this realm. He presses his fingertips lightly against his mouth for a moment, the gesture both thoughtful and reflecting some of his surprise.]
It's certainly been much longer for you than I, in that case.
[Multiple lifetimes! So many years of punishment... His fucking CAGE!! Sometimes you cage someone while you yourself are in the cage. It's not the circle of life out here but the circle of caging and being caged.
The question has him lifting his hand away from his face and waving it gently through the air in a soft sign of dismissal, though.]
I wasn't able to give her that, unfortunately... [Sometimes you love one person and then kill that person because they fall in love with Satan and then never find love again.] Though she'd be quite pleased to know that you asked after her wants so soon. I've already faced more than enough teasing over it, though.
[He was not teased, it was very depressing since Nadia just wanted him to get married quickly so she could SEE IT BEFORE SHE DIED but it's fine. Reunions shouldn't be ruined with tragedy.]
[ That's a nice sentiment, isn't it? Less feeling like he has missed out so much in people's lives, not that he had the right to see them or be a part of it. He will have to listen to them as stories and tales... Play them in his mind with whatever vivid imagination he can scrounge up.
The hand gesture already prepares him for the answer, shoulders already slackening in disappointment even though he doesn't care too much about love lives. However... Seeing people happy is good. That is what Nadia wanted? She should be happy. What about Lucas? This is about Nadia. ]
How come? You didn't pursue? They found someone else?
[This is the logic Jacopo was trying to stop Lucas from forming........ There's a very light little laugh, first.]
I suppose that's true...
[WHAT A WAY OF LOOKING AT IT but it is indeed true. Hundreds of years have passed for one of them and not even a decade for the other. Probably not even one single full year, honestly. The time he had while alive (again) was jam-packed with insane bullshit, but they're also not things he's particularly inclined to discuss ever, and especially not in this place made up of all things ideal.
Caring about Nadia is the right move to make in any case. Lucas would also agree. WHAT ABOUT HIM, THIS IS ABOUT NADIA!! He speaks with a touch of wry amusement.]
You assume that I had a person in mind to pursue in the first place.
[He did not. Not really, considering he'd never intended to make any sort of move and was just satisfied to support Ceres and her happiness from afar, but he prefers to speak like he never had any prospects in the first place. The same answer he'd give to Nadia: there's no one like that in my life.]
[ Suddenly, he makes this about Lucas against his will. Nadia would be on his side, he knows, even though he has never met her. A shrug. ]
There was that girl in that memory that you claimed to not remember or have.
[ Jacopo still remembers and has long started doubting a lot of what Lucas says about his own memories... It's not out of malice or distaste for his character, but his condition and state. Even if Lucas' mind wasn't full of holes, he's aware that it's a long shot? Throws him the smallest bone. ]
[DON'T JUST SWERVE AND KILL HIM. He's probably right though, Nadia would be on his side. Lucas is just left out here suffering... FOR WHAT. His brow furrows faintly. THE THING IS he definitely does not recall that memory, but he does absolutely recall the person in it.]
It really wasn't a memory of mine... [HE IS STAUNCH. His memory really is just a paper snowflake that's full of holes, but it's fine. He is not from the route where any of those things come back to him.]
In any case, Ceres was a dear student of mine. She also died a half-year or so before I did, the first time.
[HE FUCKING DID THIS. Lucas like "she died" (hides halberd behind his back).]
[ It is funny that Lucas can push all he wants, but Jacopo doesn't pay it any mind. The girl has a name and she's real. ]
... That's quite young. [ If Lucas is an aged, dying teacher, then his student is likely maybe approaching twenty? ] So you didn't get a chance to reconnect before you found yourself here?
[ Like in Heaven, or somewhere in the realm of souls. There's always still a chance, you know? ]
[Jacopo is obstinate about the funniest things. The way that 18 is so young but also so old in Arpechele years, but because of who Lucas is as a person and how much he fusses over everyone, he still ended up treating her young.
To the question, he just shakes his head.]
This is the first place that I wandered to after my second death.
[There was no real chance for him to run into her, since his trajectory was truly Arpechele to Heaven to Arpechele to Jacopo's funky little dream world.]
I do hope to see her in Heaven, at least. Considering we only saw the smallest fraction of it, she could very well be out there... I know that her soul will have gone to Heaven regardless of which one it may be.
[He is SO sure of this. The way Nadia will also make it to the same Heaven Lucas is at since Jonas will fucking pull strings for him, hilarious. He really did learn nothing at all except that trusting in God really is the answer sometimes. ANYWAY more importantly:]
[ He will have to trust Lucas because none of you gave him memories where Ceres was present, but he has heard of her... She reminded him of someone, though it ended up being more of a rollercoaster of mirror images.
It is a shame that Lucas didn't find a partner, though a small one. Jacopo doesn't think romantic love is necessary to live a fulfilling life, in the end... In spite of being a victim of a maddening love. ]
Then I hope you two can reunite soon.
[ And that it doesn't take centuries. The memory might have been not real, not remembered, whatever it is, but the emotions were difficult to deny.
This comes with some apprehension in comparison to Lucas' lack of love life. ]
[LUCAS GAVE HIM ONE!!!!!! It's not his fault he does not remember it... Why do so many fantasy French people remind Jacopo of the French people he has at home.
Lucas does not think it's a shame, though. Even a small one. There are so many other things going on in his life that throwing romance into the mix would just kill his ass (metaphorically) (literally as well), and then he'd just join Jacopo in the hell of having a maddening love that he never got over rather than one that ended abruptly because he's mad in other ways.]
Thank you.
[He still says this with full kindness and appreciation, at least... He does still care for Ceres, and maybe some of that love still exists, too, even though everything became so insanely complicated. MORE IMPORTANTLY, HIS SISTER. His smile softens, and though there's a touch of something sorrowful to it, there's something hopeful, too.]
She's still alive and was showing a good deal of promise on a new treatment. I likely won't be seeing her again for some time, but she'll thoroughly enjoy being able to meet everyone once she's able.
[ It is more like gloomy people remind him of Morgana, but she is mean-spirited.
Sometimes, love is complicated, especially when it ended up being the last piece of your happiest moments. It becomes a testament of how detestable you can be because love was not enough. They can maybe share that, but Lucas... Had so many circumstances.
I wish I could say Jacopo would be suspicious of watching Lucas and Ceres interact, but Lucas is quite normal around her most of the time. ]
You won't get lonely without her?
[ Overall, he's pleased to hear that Nadia will lead a fulfilling life... Even if it could be a short one, promise is good. ]
[HELP. There are a lot of gloomy people but not a lot of mean-spirited gloomy people it's true and hilarious.
They can share that in some lifetimes, it is true. Sometimes love is just not enough! Arguably, actually, that's the case in this Lucas' lifetime because romantic love definitely did not win over brainwashing, and the love he has for his sister in every version of reality is still rarely if ever enough to save her. It's fine. Everyone has so many circumstances.
Lucas is normal-passing in general unfortunately, it is the biggest problem he presents. No one knows to be wary of his ass and even when they do, they still do not fully grasp the extent of wariness that's needed.]
Oh, no, I'll be terribly lonely. [Said with a BIG HAMMY SIGH, and it's only partially to cover up how true the words are.] But I'd rather be lonely for some time and know that she's having a chance to live a more proper, fuller life, compared to having her company but knowing that her life was cut short for it.
[Even if Heaven is such a nice place to be... No tuberculosis, endless free food, perfect weather, fun people... The cage... What's not to love!!]
[ this is why all blonds should be buried ceres and lucas can be buried together
There's a part of him that regrets asking... But he listens without interrupting or mocking him, even though it's ever so tempting. He musters all the mental fortitude he has to not make a face. ]
Then you'll be waiting for her in Heaven? And you're going to continue your eternity there.
[DON'T JUST PLANT HIM IN THE DIRT LIKE A FLOWER TOO his horrible sickly body would poison the soil more. Well actually he's curseless now so it'd just be the millions drugs poisoning the soil probably.
He should just make a face. JUST INTERRUPT OR MOCK HIM, HE'S BEING SO ANNOYING ON PURPOSE!!]
That's certainly where Nadia is heading, so where else would I go?
[He asks this as a light question, and there's little actual curiosity in it in the sort of way that implies he just assumes everyone would default to continuing eternity in paradise. Even if that paradise was attacked by Alex once.]
... I had wondered if you ever considered starting over.
[ Because life is unfair and cruel. Because you can only make decisions from a series of limited choices that the circumstances you're born in can offer you. Because you haven't amounted to much, accomplished anything, or done good for anyone who mattered to you.
Or perhaps that's just Jacopo who still to this point doesn't think he deserves a place in paradise, whether he is of partial or full blame for his sins. A part of him doesn't seek eternal penance anymore, but... Maybe this is greed. ]
Want to check out the town now?
[ Taking a stand, he places a hand on his hip and looks down at Lucas. He's still an artistic blur, but easily perceived as himself despite the lack of definition. ]
Starting over? [Maybe there is some of that deep and reflexive discomfort that he's become so good at ignoring when he thinks of this what-if scenario in which he can start anew entirely. Even if there is, it's a private thing he keeps to himself, rather than showing any hesitance or uncertainty. Rather than answering, he just poses a question that's simple and doesn't actually press for an answer.]
Would you wish to?
[He does not know that Jacopo basically already HAS. HIS REINCARNATIONS... This is fine. The way he doesn't even ask if Jacopo intends on going to Heaven (yet, at least) because it simply does not occur to him that even a man filled with varying shades of guilt would pass it up.
But when the conversation shifts, he shifts easily with it, smiling up at Jacopo's blurryass self.]
I would love to. [Up to his feet he rises, graceful as he ever is. A little teasingly:] I wonder if you'll become even clearer there.
[ A roll of his eyes when Lucas points out his blurry form. Jacopo gestures to follow him through the wheat since the road is a bit of a distance. The spikes bend to their steps and the imagery on the horizon draws closer.
This illusory world flickers with memories of the New World... Friendship—a pact he thought to be eternal. Love—a miracle he wanted to cherish. Betrayal—circumstances. Madness—inevitable. Death—alone. It's a checklist. The golden fields are stained with blood for a second before it fades away like water diluting paint. ]
That's what I originally wanted to do after I made amends. The last time wasn't so great, so it's tempting to consider a third.
[ A chance without a millennia's worth of circumstances where he can be the man he had wanted to be, or the man he was meant to be. They're words spoken to him by others and it had been hard to believe those voices. Redemption rang hollow when he was alive so long ago, barely rang at all when he was dead so long ago, and even now he doesn't know if it rings at all.
It's still a fanciful dream that speaks to him in the fog. ]
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no subject
He does think Lucas is weird... If this happened to him, he wouldn't be quite okay with it. Or maybe he would be. Hard to know when you're not in the same position and years have also changed him a bit, eroded some of his edges. When experiences become many, you become not quite numb, but desensitized to what would be unnerving for the most part.
Still, he thinks he would overreact, but a normal amount, he tells himself. ]
You come to my home on invitation and think you can start up negotiations. [ Leaning forward, he props his elbow onto his knee, then rest his chin on his palm. ] That's some arrogance.
no subject
Even years and years can't erode Jacopo's delusional sense that he's the only normal person in the bar though, huh. Even with some of his edges eroded he's still out here like "man this guy is a freak, thank god I'm the normal person here". ARE YOU NORMAL JACOPO? WERE YOU EVER??
He wears his amusement openly though, not leaning forward in turn but definitely seeming very comfortable in the space of this sketchy artbook doodle of a man and his fantasy wheat world. He is often more comfortable than he should be in any given space, but why wouldn't he feel that way when he'd been invited, for all intents and purposes?]
Is it? I think it's not so egregious, really. You won't indulge my curiosity even a little...? I've come all this way.
[HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW FAR "ALL THIS WAY" IS nothing is linear when you're a spirit just gently drifting between life and death.]
no subject
There is nothing in the whole multi-universes that would shake Jacopo's belief that he knows what normal should be like and that in many cases he has normal reactions. Does this make him less insane? Not in particular.
Being invited to a place you've only seen as a mirage should be concerning, but it is peaceful here. Nothing bad has or will ever happen in this little tranquil dream. It is Jacopo's haven, after all, but now it houses a demon whom Jacopo is trying to converse with. His index finger taps his cheek a couple of times because ALL THIS WAY is so relative.
Pensive. ]
... After my time in Heaven, I did find Morgana and apologized to her like I said I would.
[ They can start there. ]
no subject
Jacopo being insane should probably counterbalance some of his seeming normalcy but he can continue to live in his bizarre state of dual existence in which he is both super abnormal and also relatively normal. A circus act of a man surrounded by other even louder clowns.
But!! He does lean forward just a little when Jacopo starts them off. He is not a DEMON listen here, he's just a curious man who's interested in knowing what sort of fate befell his friend, whom he became fond of so quickly and stayed fond of even with the wildass murders.]
You did? How did... Did it go well? Were you able to locate her quickly? Was she in another afterlife like ours?
[Morgana just out there in the angry ghost void flipping everyone off.]
no subject
Jacopo can read that Lucas still shares some fondness for him... And he wonders how could he? While there was a period where they met some kind of unspoken interpersonal compromise, he put up an invisible barrier. He left the bridge between them in tatters, only extending a hand over the gap yet not repairing it for either of them to cross.
There's a snort as he thinks about this rather than about his predicament. Who is he to judge Lucas? After so many years, he holds similar feelings—fondness. Maybe regret. ]
I didn't keep track how long it took to take her. She was in a nebulous plane kind of like here, but different.
[ He gestures to the dream, though this is a specific bubble created in the strange and boundless ethereal sea. Do not expect him to be able to explain mechanics. He's just a man. ]
She didn't take it well, but that was to be expected. She left the world of broken mind, so too was her soul. [ ... ] She didn't hear me—she didn't see me, but I offered my apology, regardless.
[ It is the right thing to do, if not for herself then also for him. ]
no subject
Meanwhile, Lucas is just vibing, unaware of the way Jacopo is wondering after his fondness. Even with invisible barriers and tattered bridges, it's the person who's standing on the other side whom he values. Even if he can't reach out and hold that hand, or at least not hold it so easily, he can still hold Jacopo himself in fondness.
It's that same fondness that colors his expression here and now; the softness of his sympathy, the quiet way that he takes in the few short sentences that may hide a bigger wealth of sorrow.]
...I'm glad that you were able to offer your apology. [Said just as softly, with a small smile. Like this, with all of his sharp edges contained, it's easy to see how he managed for so long both in life and in death without stirring any concern.]
I hope that she's able to find wholeness again in some way, somehow, wherever she may be now. I hope that you are, as well.
[Because Jacopo is here and he's surrounded by a nebulous plane in which nothing bad has or will ever happen, but the scars of the soul don't face as easily as the face apparently can.]
no subject
I feel more myself than I ever been, if that's reassuring at all. She has become whole, too. [ Whether it's reassuring is for Lucas to decide. Congratulations Morgana for no longer being fractured. His smile is there, though it becomes fuzzier than before. ] Someone else saved her.
[ And while there's an abundant well of relief and happiness when he says that, there's a tinge of ugly envy in it in spite the golden wheat, warm sun, and crisp breeze from the sea.
Ugly envy is a reminder that he has done absolutely nothing for her. He had only plunged her in despair. He has no right to take her hand. He has no right... To save her, having lost it so long ago. Useless to the very end. Self-loathing is a personal affliction, difficult to cure. ]
She's on a journey to find happiness... That is all I could ever wish for.
[ Which isn't true despite how resigned he sounds. How can anyone not want and dream for more? Especially for her, he wishes he could at least be a part in her life. He doesn't need to be anyone to her. He learned he doesn't need to amount to greatness. If he could make those he loves happy, then it would be enough. Just like how he first wanted, first wished, and why he took up the blade.
... But that isn't right for him to want. That is greed he isn't allowed to have. ]
Was all of that a substantial answer?
[ Even though he left out a lot of things. ]
no subject
It does sound reassuring to him though, with the context he does (or doesn't) have. Becoming whole is a good thing, after all, is it not? If the alternative is to be broken in some way, or at the very least absent of some important pieces, then wholeness is surely somewhat better.
But Lucas can also pick up on that tiny tinge of envy. It is a very human emotion, after all; to want the best for someone, to be satisfied watching over them from afar, to not even need anything in return but a smile, but to still feel envy for those who manage to succeed where one has failed. His head cants a little to the side at the question posed.]
It's a fair summary, at least in regards to Morgana.
[It does not escape his notice that there was like a 3:1 ratio of information on Morgana and how she's been faring compared to Jacopo himself and whatever the hell he was up to while someone else was out there making Morgana whole again. Binch would never guess a fucking guy was in the billiards room.]
But it does sound as though things have gone relatively well, yes? May she travel that path for as long and as far as it may lead her, and enjoy a happiness all her own.
[And as he pauses for a moment and glances around this little world again, he wonders if there's a sort of happiness here too, even if it's not necessarily whole or hale.]
As a summary, it was also quite succinct, though.
no subject
[ Time in the afterlife is a strange thing. Days do not exist. It is all one moment without a single seam. When a lot of it feels similar, it's hard to know exactly when an hour has passed and onward.
It's not to say he doesn't remember... He remembers some of his trials. He remembers his life as a mafia boss. But he doesn't think it's that important to share right now. Reunions shouldn't be ruined with tragedy and Lucas doesn't need to know he was trapped in a (haha) cage with a fate he couldn't fight.
There is no sorrow in it. He was satisfied with atoning, even though through those years he had wanted to see people again. It was buried under all his guilt, unfortunately. ]
Now... Yourself? Did you marry like your sister wanted you to?
[ LOVE? ]
no subject
[Said with a bit of startled and quiet awe. HELLO. HELP. IT'S BEEN A WHILE, SAID JACOPO, COMPLETELY UNDERSELLING HOW LONG IT'S BEEN. Lucas may lose track of time in the in-between, but his life was short and his stints in afterlives are also short, even with time bleeding into itself sometimes in the way it seems to do in this realm. He presses his fingertips lightly against his mouth for a moment, the gesture both thoughtful and reflecting some of his surprise.]
It's certainly been much longer for you than I, in that case.
[Multiple lifetimes! So many years of punishment... His fucking CAGE!! Sometimes you cage someone while you yourself are in the cage. It's not the circle of life out here but the circle of caging and being caged.
The question has him lifting his hand away from his face and waving it gently through the air in a soft sign of dismissal, though.]
I wasn't able to give her that, unfortunately... [Sometimes you love one person and then kill that person because they fall in love with Satan and then never find love again.] Though she'd be quite pleased to know that you asked after her wants so soon. I've already faced more than enough teasing over it, though.
[He was not teased, it was very depressing since Nadia just wanted him to get married quickly so she could SEE IT BEFORE SHE DIED but it's fine. Reunions shouldn't be ruined with tragedy.]
no subject
Then that just means I have less to catch up on.
[ That's a nice sentiment, isn't it? Less feeling like he has missed out so much in people's lives, not that he had the right to see them or be a part of it. He will have to listen to them as stories and tales... Play them in his mind with whatever vivid imagination he can scrounge up.
The hand gesture already prepares him for the answer, shoulders already slackening in disappointment even though he doesn't care too much about love lives. However... Seeing people happy is good. That is what Nadia wanted? She should be happy. What about Lucas? This is about Nadia. ]
How come? You didn't pursue? They found someone else?
[ not the slaughter ]
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I suppose that's true...
[WHAT A WAY OF LOOKING AT IT but it is indeed true. Hundreds of years have passed for one of them and not even a decade for the other. Probably not even one single full year, honestly. The time he had while alive (again) was jam-packed with insane bullshit, but they're also not things he's particularly inclined to discuss ever, and especially not in this place made up of all things ideal.
Caring about Nadia is the right move to make in any case. Lucas would also agree. WHAT ABOUT HIM, THIS IS ABOUT NADIA!! He speaks with a touch of wry amusement.]
You assume that I had a person in mind to pursue in the first place.
[He did not. Not really, considering he'd never intended to make any sort of move and was just satisfied to support Ceres and her happiness from afar, but he prefers to speak like he never had any prospects in the first place. The same answer he'd give to Nadia: there's no one like that in my life.]
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There was that girl in that memory that you claimed to not remember or have.
[ Jacopo still remembers and has long started doubting a lot of what Lucas says about his own memories... It's not out of malice or distaste for his character, but his condition and state. Even if Lucas' mind wasn't full of holes, he's aware that it's a long shot? Throws him the smallest bone. ]
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It really wasn't a memory of mine... [HE IS STAUNCH. His memory really is just a paper snowflake that's full of holes, but it's fine. He is not from the route where any of those things come back to him.]
In any case, Ceres was a dear student of mine. She also died a half-year or so before I did, the first time.
[HE FUCKING DID THIS. Lucas like "she died" (hides halberd behind his back).]
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... That's quite young. [ If Lucas is an aged, dying teacher, then his student is likely maybe approaching twenty? ] So you didn't get a chance to reconnect before you found yourself here?
[ Like in Heaven, or somewhere in the realm of souls. There's always still a chance, you know? ]
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To the question, he just shakes his head.]
This is the first place that I wandered to after my second death.
[There was no real chance for him to run into her, since his trajectory was truly Arpechele to Heaven to Arpechele to Jacopo's funky little dream world.]
I do hope to see her in Heaven, at least. Considering we only saw the smallest fraction of it, she could very well be out there... I know that her soul will have gone to Heaven regardless of which one it may be.
[He is SO sure of this. The way Nadia will also make it to the same Heaven Lucas is at since Jonas will fucking pull strings for him, hilarious. He really did learn nothing at all except that trusting in God really is the answer sometimes. ANYWAY more importantly:]
But she would love to meet everyone.
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It is a shame that Lucas didn't find a partner, though a small one. Jacopo doesn't think romantic love is necessary to live a fulfilling life, in the end... In spite of being a victim of a maddening love. ]
Then I hope you two can reunite soon.
[ And that it doesn't take centuries. The memory might have been not real, not remembered, whatever it is, but the emotions were difficult to deny.
This comes with some apprehension in comparison to Lucas' lack of love life. ]
And your sister...
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Lucas does not think it's a shame, though. Even a small one. There are so many other things going on in his life that throwing romance into the mix would just kill his ass (metaphorically) (literally as well), and then he'd just join Jacopo in the hell of having a maddening love that he never got over rather than one that ended abruptly because he's mad in other ways.]
Thank you.
[He still says this with full kindness and appreciation, at least... He does still care for Ceres, and maybe some of that love still exists, too, even though everything became so insanely complicated. MORE IMPORTANTLY, HIS SISTER. His smile softens, and though there's a touch of something sorrowful to it, there's something hopeful, too.]
She's still alive and was showing a good deal of promise on a new treatment. I likely won't be seeing her again for some time, but she'll thoroughly enjoy being able to meet everyone once she's able.
[A LONG TIME FROM NOW........]
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Sometimes, love is complicated, especially when it ended up being the last piece of your happiest moments. It becomes a testament of how detestable you can be because love was not enough. They can maybe share that, but Lucas... Had so many circumstances.
I wish I could say Jacopo would be suspicious of watching Lucas and Ceres interact, but Lucas is quite normal around her most of the time. ]
You won't get lonely without her?
[ Overall, he's pleased to hear that Nadia will lead a fulfilling life... Even if it could be a short one, promise is good. ]
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They can share that in some lifetimes, it is true. Sometimes love is just not enough! Arguably, actually, that's the case in this Lucas' lifetime because romantic love definitely did not win over brainwashing, and the love he has for his sister in every version of reality is still rarely if ever enough to save her. It's fine. Everyone has so many circumstances.
Lucas is normal-passing in general unfortunately, it is the biggest problem he presents. No one knows to be wary of his ass and even when they do, they still do not fully grasp the extent of wariness that's needed.]
Oh, no, I'll be terribly lonely. [Said with a BIG HAMMY SIGH, and it's only partially to cover up how true the words are.] But I'd rather be lonely for some time and know that she's having a chance to live a more proper, fuller life, compared to having her company but knowing that her life was cut short for it.
[Even if Heaven is such a nice place to be... No tuberculosis, endless free food, perfect weather, fun people... The cage... What's not to love!!]
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There's a part of him that regrets asking... But he listens without interrupting or mocking him, even though it's ever so tempting. He musters all the mental fortitude he has to not make a face. ]
Then you'll be waiting for her in Heaven? And you're going to continue your eternity there.
[ What is left after death? ]
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He should just make a face. JUST INTERRUPT OR MOCK HIM, HE'S BEING SO ANNOYING ON PURPOSE!!]
That's certainly where Nadia is heading, so where else would I go?
[He asks this as a light question, and there's little actual curiosity in it in the sort of way that implies he just assumes everyone would default to continuing eternity in paradise. Even if that paradise was attacked by Alex once.]
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... I had wondered if you ever considered starting over.
[ Because life is unfair and cruel. Because you can only make decisions from a series of limited choices that the circumstances you're born in can offer you. Because you haven't amounted to much, accomplished anything, or done good for anyone who mattered to you.
Or perhaps that's just Jacopo who still to this point doesn't think he deserves a place in paradise, whether he is of partial or full blame for his sins. A part of him doesn't seek eternal penance anymore, but... Maybe this is greed. ]
Want to check out the town now?
[ Taking a stand, he places a hand on his hip and looks down at Lucas. He's still an artistic blur, but easily perceived as himself despite the lack of definition. ]
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Starting over? [Maybe there is some of that deep and reflexive discomfort that he's become so good at ignoring when he thinks of this what-if scenario in which he can start anew entirely. Even if there is, it's a private thing he keeps to himself, rather than showing any hesitance or uncertainty. Rather than answering, he just poses a question that's simple and doesn't actually press for an answer.]
Would you wish to?
[He does not know that Jacopo basically already HAS. HIS REINCARNATIONS... This is fine. The way he doesn't even ask if Jacopo intends on going to Heaven (yet, at least) because it simply does not occur to him that even a man filled with varying shades of guilt would pass it up.
But when the conversation shifts, he shifts easily with it, smiling up at Jacopo's blurryass self.]
I would love to. [Up to his feet he rises, graceful as he ever is. A little teasingly:] I wonder if you'll become even clearer there.
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This illusory world flickers with memories of the New World... Friendship—a pact he thought to be eternal. Love—a miracle he wanted to cherish. Betrayal—circumstances. Madness—inevitable. Death—alone. It's a checklist. The golden fields are stained with blood for a second before it fades away like water diluting paint. ]
That's what I originally wanted to do after I made amends. The last time wasn't so great, so it's tempting to consider a third.
[ A chance without a millennia's worth of circumstances where he can be the man he had wanted to be, or the man he was meant to be. They're words spoken to him by others and it had been hard to believe those voices. Redemption rang hollow when he was alive so long ago, barely rang at all when he was dead so long ago, and even now he doesn't know if it rings at all.
It's still a fanciful dream that speaks to him in the fog. ]
It could be fun.
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