I kind of remember. [ Though the time he took Lucas' hand, he was challenging a lot of inner turmoil as he spilled so much self-perceived arrogance wrapped in what he thought was care. It felt so long ago, so distant. ] I run a bit warmer.
[ Though he had his moments when all the color and warmth are drained out of him before... Where he had been crouched to the floor. Hanging barely above the dirt where he belongs, catching himself before he rightfully falls. That isn't here. His hands aren't warm from the blood that once coated them and seeped into his skin as sins he can't shed. They're naturally warm in how they rub Lucas' hands, gentle and with care from someone who used to be so desperate to give.
It took however long to get here, or better said to return to who he once was. Still, from their held hands, it tells that he had been the same man regardless. It feels the exact same from their time in Heaven.
When Lucas takes a seat on this large rock that makes a great bench, he will slide his blurry hands away, not to draw away just that it's awkward to twist his whole blurry body to keep doing that. ]
Always in a rush? You're right that there's no need for haste here unless you want to visit the town. Even then, it lacks the city bustle. [ But from Jacopo's tone and from how he gazes at the building silhouettes in the near distance, it doesn't seem like he minds that. ] How have you been?
[ They can catch up. Even if this is the last stop and all dreams either come to an end or are realized, it feels like seconds stretch to hours... It is very much a peaceful Sunday. ]
[He can recall every warm hand that's held his, for better or for worse, though he says this with a little twinkle of amusement in his eye rather than anything edging too close to that nostalgia.
When Jacopo's blurry hands slide away, he doesn't seem to mind it either, and he sits in a way that lets him keep himself turned toward this blurryass figure like a sunflower to the sun. It's a habit that he's carried along with him for a lifetime and then some, this tendency to want to fully face whoever he's speaking to, like they're the only other person in the room. In this case, perhaps the only other person in this entire world.]
Often rushing, at least. A consequence of being used to a fast-running clock, I suppose. [You have to do things SO FAST when you only get two decades and some change to live, if you're lucky. His gaze also drifts out toward the distant buildings, though, curious in a mild sort of way.]
I'd like to take a look eventually. [But there's no need to rush, and so he won't.] I suppose I've been as well as can be expected, in any case. [A small smile; a quick step around the topic.] What of yourself? You seem to be in a good mood, at least. Suspiciously so.
[ Jacopo sits normally as he usually does, facing the golden sea and the town nearby. This was only a place of dreams and maybe there is some sense of accomplishment to finally experience it... Even if it's a lull. ]
It'd be worth a visit. It's quaint and the people are friendly enough.
[ Apparently, Jacopo has populated this dream town with people who he believes should be there.
The question returned gets a little shrug before he turns to Lucas, expression hatched out at different directions. With some imagination and a squint, maybe a small smile could be made out. At least it can be heard in his voice, even though he's being teased. He knows that it was rare before. ]
Hard to not be in a good mood when you're home. [ Even if this is solace at the end of the line. He gestures with a hand, a little frivolous though incredulous. ] So you were always in a rush, but have nothing to report? How suspicious.
[JACOPO JUST ALSO PLAYING GOD. He's a little curious though, since it's not like he has innate understanding of everything this world is or could be. Who knows? He's here himself, after all; maybe there are others like him who've wandered through or be called in and have decided to make this place a home, however temporary.]
A glowing review from you. I'll look forward to it, then.
[Though he's having a perfectly good time here, just engaging in conversation. He watches the patchwork mess of Jacopo's expression like he's looking at art on a museum wall, tracking the changes with an open sort of interest. There's just a little hum in response to the first part; his home is not a comforting place, so it's a sentiment he can understand in theory only. The rest has him cracking another smile, the kind that make his eyes half-moon.]
Then I suppose we're just two suspicious people, aren't we? Two suspicious people with nothing to report.
[ IT'S HIS LITTLE DREAM WORLD! HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS UNTIL HE MAKES A DECISION. Jacopo looks off to the side when he's also called out, feigning some innocence. ]
I am far less suspicious than you.
[ Not that there's a high bar here... It is incredibly low. Jacopo knows he became shadier during the karmic cycles, though that wasn't entirely his fault. He still believes himself to shoulder responsibility.
And yet he points at Lucas. He isn't taking back what he said, though. ]
[HE REALLY CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS UNTIL THEN he's living his best life. STOP LOOKING AWAY. That's so true though Lucas is so fucking suspicious all of the time, but he just laughs regardless, the sound light and unburdened.]
Do you think so? I think that between the two of us, especially right now, you would be considered the more suspicious person by far.
[It's because Lucas looks like a Renaissance painting and Jacopo is a blurry shadow creature. He reaches out to lightly pat one of his shoulder blurs, the amusement prominent.]
[ Just because Jacopo is a crosshatch of a person doesn't make him more suspicious than Lucas. He has some color to him now, no longer shadows, but it still looks like he's pigment on a canvas. His silhouette conveys he looks at him, eyebrows vaguely looking like they're knitted.
It might be a scrutinizing squint. ]
I don't think suspicious can ever be twisted to be a compliment.
You clearly aren't thinking creatively enough, then.
[But this is also said in a joking tone. So much of what he says is said like it's jest even though not everything he says is actual jest. A creature...
He's just sort of watching Jacopo's face and form come together like a live painter is placing colors on the canvas right in front of his eyes, though. It's a curious thing and if he weren't so proper by design and default, he'd be tempted to reach out and touch, see if he's as solid now as he was when he was all smog and shadow.]
You're starting to look more like yourself and less like a little storm cloud now, though.
[It's endearing... in a strangely Eldritch-esque way. The formless becoming formed.]
[ These games you play he hasn't forgotten... The harassment is eternally etched in. He tilts his head, a little curious. ]
Is that so?
[ Not like he can immediately notice or tell without any reflective surface, but he doesn't seem all that perturbed by it. It hasn't gotten in the way of his livelihood here.
It does make him wonder if it's similar to the effects in Heaven so long ago... Where if left to his lonesome, he turns into a dark haze only to return if someone else was present. Like he can only remember himself when someone is there with him. ]
It took me longer to gain form last time, I think. [ He doesn't know. It could have potentially taken him nearing eight hundred years. ] You will just have to deal with it.
[ ... ]
You know I am genuinely curious about how you led your life after we parted.
But he just nods at the question, smiles at the rest of what's said.]
Did it? You've already changed quite quickly even in just this short amount of time together. I'll "deal with it", but that makes it sound like something I've been burdened with... I don't really mind it at all.
[Maybe it's a bit like a fat and cozy cat being able to watch the birds flit about to and from the bird feeder set by the window, the way he just watches Jacopo's face and body shift and change. The way that his expression's sharpness comes and goes, and the familiarity in the lines of him become starker.
There's a little wryness to the smile that follows, though. Thin, brief. Oh the life he's lived.]
Why don't we trade, then? A story for a story. You aren't the only curious person here, after all.
[ Jacopo for some reason has an easy time and also hard time forgetting, likewise remembering.
He does think Lucas is weird... If this happened to him, he wouldn't be quite okay with it. Or maybe he would be. Hard to know when you're not in the same position and years have also changed him a bit, eroded some of his edges. When experiences become many, you become not quite numb, but desensitized to what would be unnerving for the most part.
Still, he thinks he would overreact, but a normal amount, he tells himself. ]
You come to my home on invitation and think you can start up negotiations. [ Leaning forward, he props his elbow onto his knee, then rest his chin on his palm. ] That's some arrogance.
Even years and years can't erode Jacopo's delusional sense that he's the only normal person in the bar though, huh. Even with some of his edges eroded he's still out here like "man this guy is a freak, thank god I'm the normal person here". ARE YOU NORMAL JACOPO? WERE YOU EVER??
He wears his amusement openly though, not leaning forward in turn but definitely seeming very comfortable in the space of this sketchy artbook doodle of a man and his fantasy wheat world. He is often more comfortable than he should be in any given space, but why wouldn't he feel that way when he'd been invited, for all intents and purposes?]
Is it? I think it's not so egregious, really. You won't indulge my curiosity even a little...? I've come all this way.
[HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW FAR "ALL THIS WAY" IS nothing is linear when you're a spirit just gently drifting between life and death.]
[ Humanity at its core is full of idiosyncrasies. We are swiss cheese.
There is nothing in the whole multi-universes that would shake Jacopo's belief that he knows what normal should be like and that in many cases he has normal reactions. Does this make him less insane? Not in particular.
Being invited to a place you've only seen as a mirage should be concerning, but it is peaceful here. Nothing bad has or will ever happen in this little tranquil dream. It is Jacopo's haven, after all, but now it houses a demon whom Jacopo is trying to converse with. His index finger taps his cheek a couple of times because ALL THIS WAY is so relative.
Pensive. ]
... After my time in Heaven, I did find Morgana and apologized to her like I said I would.
[WE ARE SWISS CHEESE. It's fine... Humans love cheese and are cheese. It is the nature of all things: cyclical.
Jacopo being insane should probably counterbalance some of his seeming normalcy but he can continue to live in his bizarre state of dual existence in which he is both super abnormal and also relatively normal. A circus act of a man surrounded by other even louder clowns.
But!! He does lean forward just a little when Jacopo starts them off. He is not a DEMON listen here, he's just a curious man who's interested in knowing what sort of fate befell his friend, whom he became fond of so quickly and stayed fond of even with the wildass murders.]
You did? How did... Did it go well? Were you able to locate her quickly? Was she in another afterlife like ours?
[Morgana just out there in the angry ghost void flipping everyone off.]
[ Listen here... He is relatively normal. So normal. Even the way love drove him to insanity is incredibly normal, you know. Everyone is more insane than him. Their madness is a sea while he sees himself as a puddle some day and an abyss other days. Your best isn't the same every day, likewise your worst.
Jacopo can read that Lucas still shares some fondness for him... And he wonders how could he? While there was a period where they met some kind of unspoken interpersonal compromise, he put up an invisible barrier. He left the bridge between them in tatters, only extending a hand over the gap yet not repairing it for either of them to cross.
There's a snort as he thinks about this rather than about his predicament. Who is he to judge Lucas? After so many years, he holds similar feelings—fondness. Maybe regret. ]
I didn't keep track how long it took to take her. She was in a nebulous plane kind of like here, but different.
[ He gestures to the dream, though this is a specific bubble created in the strange and boundless ethereal sea. Do not expect him to be able to explain mechanics. He's just a man. ]
She didn't take it well, but that was to be expected. She left the world of broken mind, so too was her soul. [ ... ] She didn't hear me—she didn't see me, but I offered my apology, regardless.
[ It is the right thing to do, if not for herself then also for him. ]
[RELATIVELY NORMAL CAN STILL BE SO INSANE!!!! LOVE DOESN'T DRIVE NORMAL PEOPLE CRAZY!!!! But it is true at least that on the sliding scale of insanity, he tends to rank fairly low. He is still on the scale, though. ALSO WHY IS IT JUST PUDDLE VS. ABYSS oh the duality of man.
Meanwhile, Lucas is just vibing, unaware of the way Jacopo is wondering after his fondness. Even with invisible barriers and tattered bridges, it's the person who's standing on the other side whom he values. Even if he can't reach out and hold that hand, or at least not hold it so easily, he can still hold Jacopo himself in fondness.
It's that same fondness that colors his expression here and now; the softness of his sympathy, the quiet way that he takes in the few short sentences that may hide a bigger wealth of sorrow.]
...I'm glad that you were able to offer your apology. [Said just as softly, with a small smile. Like this, with all of his sharp edges contained, it's easy to see how he managed for so long both in life and in death without stirring any concern.]
I hope that she's able to find wholeness again in some way, somehow, wherever she may be now. I hope that you are, as well.
[Because Jacopo is here and he's surrounded by a nebulous plane in which nothing bad has or will ever happen, but the scars of the soul don't face as easily as the face apparently can.]
I feel more myself than I ever been, if that's reassuring at all. She has become whole, too. [ Whether it's reassuring is for Lucas to decide. Congratulations Morgana for no longer being fractured. His smile is there, though it becomes fuzzier than before. ] Someone else saved her.
[ And while there's an abundant well of relief and happiness when he says that, there's a tinge of ugly envy in it in spite the golden wheat, warm sun, and crisp breeze from the sea.
Ugly envy is a reminder that he has done absolutely nothing for her. He had only plunged her in despair. He has no right to take her hand. He has no right... To save her, having lost it so long ago. Useless to the very end. Self-loathing is a personal affliction, difficult to cure. ]
She's on a journey to find happiness... That is all I could ever wish for.
[ Which isn't true despite how resigned he sounds. How can anyone not want and dream for more? Especially for her, he wishes he could at least be a part in her life. He doesn't need to be anyone to her. He learned he doesn't need to amount to greatness. If he could make those he loves happy, then it would be enough. Just like how he first wanted, first wished, and why he took up the blade.
... But that isn't right for him to want. That is greed he isn't allowed to have. ]
It does sound reassuring to him though, with the context he does (or doesn't) have. Becoming whole is a good thing, after all, is it not? If the alternative is to be broken in some way, or at the very least absent of some important pieces, then wholeness is surely somewhat better.
But Lucas can also pick up on that tiny tinge of envy. It is a very human emotion, after all; to want the best for someone, to be satisfied watching over them from afar, to not even need anything in return but a smile, but to still feel envy for those who manage to succeed where one has failed. His head cants a little to the side at the question posed.]
It's a fair summary, at least in regards to Morgana.
[It does not escape his notice that there was like a 3:1 ratio of information on Morgana and how she's been faring compared to Jacopo himself and whatever the hell he was up to while someone else was out there making Morgana whole again. Binch would never guess a fucking guy was in the billiards room.]
But it does sound as though things have gone relatively well, yes? May she travel that path for as long and as far as it may lead her, and enjoy a happiness all her own.
[And as he pauses for a moment and glances around this little world again, he wonders if there's a sort of happiness here too, even if it's not necessarily whole or hale.]
It'd be too long to summarize almost a millennia of years. Honestly, I don't think I remember a lot of it.
[ Time in the afterlife is a strange thing. Days do not exist. It is all one moment without a single seam. When a lot of it feels similar, it's hard to know exactly when an hour has passed and onward.
It's not to say he doesn't remember... He remembers some of his trials. He remembers his life as a mafia boss. But he doesn't think it's that important to share right now. Reunions shouldn't be ruined with tragedy and Lucas doesn't need to know he was trapped in a (haha) cage with a fate he couldn't fight.
There is no sorrow in it. He was satisfied with atoning, even though through those years he had wanted to see people again. It was buried under all his guilt, unfortunately. ]
Now... Yourself? Did you marry like your sister wanted you to?
[Said with a bit of startled and quiet awe. HELLO. HELP. IT'S BEEN A WHILE, SAID JACOPO, COMPLETELY UNDERSELLING HOW LONG IT'S BEEN. Lucas may lose track of time in the in-between, but his life was short and his stints in afterlives are also short, even with time bleeding into itself sometimes in the way it seems to do in this realm. He presses his fingertips lightly against his mouth for a moment, the gesture both thoughtful and reflecting some of his surprise.]
It's certainly been much longer for you than I, in that case.
[Multiple lifetimes! So many years of punishment... His fucking CAGE!! Sometimes you cage someone while you yourself are in the cage. It's not the circle of life out here but the circle of caging and being caged.
The question has him lifting his hand away from his face and waving it gently through the air in a soft sign of dismissal, though.]
I wasn't able to give her that, unfortunately... [Sometimes you love one person and then kill that person because they fall in love with Satan and then never find love again.] Though she'd be quite pleased to know that you asked after her wants so soon. I've already faced more than enough teasing over it, though.
[He was not teased, it was very depressing since Nadia just wanted him to get married quickly so she could SEE IT BEFORE SHE DIED but it's fine. Reunions shouldn't be ruined with tragedy.]
[ That's a nice sentiment, isn't it? Less feeling like he has missed out so much in people's lives, not that he had the right to see them or be a part of it. He will have to listen to them as stories and tales... Play them in his mind with whatever vivid imagination he can scrounge up.
The hand gesture already prepares him for the answer, shoulders already slackening in disappointment even though he doesn't care too much about love lives. However... Seeing people happy is good. That is what Nadia wanted? She should be happy. What about Lucas? This is about Nadia. ]
How come? You didn't pursue? They found someone else?
[This is the logic Jacopo was trying to stop Lucas from forming........ There's a very light little laugh, first.]
I suppose that's true...
[WHAT A WAY OF LOOKING AT IT but it is indeed true. Hundreds of years have passed for one of them and not even a decade for the other. Probably not even one single full year, honestly. The time he had while alive (again) was jam-packed with insane bullshit, but they're also not things he's particularly inclined to discuss ever, and especially not in this place made up of all things ideal.
Caring about Nadia is the right move to make in any case. Lucas would also agree. WHAT ABOUT HIM, THIS IS ABOUT NADIA!! He speaks with a touch of wry amusement.]
You assume that I had a person in mind to pursue in the first place.
[He did not. Not really, considering he'd never intended to make any sort of move and was just satisfied to support Ceres and her happiness from afar, but he prefers to speak like he never had any prospects in the first place. The same answer he'd give to Nadia: there's no one like that in my life.]
[ Suddenly, he makes this about Lucas against his will. Nadia would be on his side, he knows, even though he has never met her. A shrug. ]
There was that girl in that memory that you claimed to not remember or have.
[ Jacopo still remembers and has long started doubting a lot of what Lucas says about his own memories... It's not out of malice or distaste for his character, but his condition and state. Even if Lucas' mind wasn't full of holes, he's aware that it's a long shot? Throws him the smallest bone. ]
[DON'T JUST SWERVE AND KILL HIM. He's probably right though, Nadia would be on his side. Lucas is just left out here suffering... FOR WHAT. His brow furrows faintly. THE THING IS he definitely does not recall that memory, but he does absolutely recall the person in it.]
It really wasn't a memory of mine... [HE IS STAUNCH. His memory really is just a paper snowflake that's full of holes, but it's fine. He is not from the route where any of those things come back to him.]
In any case, Ceres was a dear student of mine. She also died a half-year or so before I did, the first time.
[HE FUCKING DID THIS. Lucas like "she died" (hides halberd behind his back).]
[ It is funny that Lucas can push all he wants, but Jacopo doesn't pay it any mind. The girl has a name and she's real. ]
... That's quite young. [ If Lucas is an aged, dying teacher, then his student is likely maybe approaching twenty? ] So you didn't get a chance to reconnect before you found yourself here?
[ Like in Heaven, or somewhere in the realm of souls. There's always still a chance, you know? ]
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[ Though he had his moments when all the color and warmth are drained out of him before... Where he had been crouched to the floor. Hanging barely above the dirt where he belongs, catching himself before he rightfully falls. That isn't here. His hands aren't warm from the blood that once coated them and seeped into his skin as sins he can't shed. They're naturally warm in how they rub Lucas' hands, gentle and with care from someone who used to be so desperate to give.
It took however long to get here, or better said to return to who he once was. Still, from their held hands, it tells that he had been the same man regardless. It feels the exact same from their time in Heaven.
When Lucas takes a seat on this large rock that makes a great bench, he will slide his blurry hands away, not to draw away just that it's awkward to twist his whole blurry body to keep doing that. ]
Always in a rush? You're right that there's no need for haste here unless you want to visit the town. Even then, it lacks the city bustle. [ But from Jacopo's tone and from how he gazes at the building silhouettes in the near distance, it doesn't seem like he minds that. ] How have you been?
[ They can catch up. Even if this is the last stop and all dreams either come to an end or are realized, it feels like seconds stretch to hours... It is very much a peaceful Sunday. ]
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[He can recall every warm hand that's held his, for better or for worse, though he says this with a little twinkle of amusement in his eye rather than anything edging too close to that nostalgia.
When Jacopo's blurry hands slide away, he doesn't seem to mind it either, and he sits in a way that lets him keep himself turned toward this blurryass figure like a sunflower to the sun. It's a habit that he's carried along with him for a lifetime and then some, this tendency to want to fully face whoever he's speaking to, like they're the only other person in the room. In this case, perhaps the only other person in this entire world.]
Often rushing, at least. A consequence of being used to a fast-running clock, I suppose. [You have to do things SO FAST when you only get two decades and some change to live, if you're lucky. His gaze also drifts out toward the distant buildings, though, curious in a mild sort of way.]
I'd like to take a look eventually. [But there's no need to rush, and so he won't.] I suppose I've been as well as can be expected, in any case. [A small smile; a quick step around the topic.] What of yourself? You seem to be in a good mood, at least. Suspiciously so.
[But he is teasing once again.]
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It'd be worth a visit. It's quaint and the people are friendly enough.
[ Apparently, Jacopo has populated this dream town with people who he believes should be there.
The question returned gets a little shrug before he turns to Lucas, expression hatched out at different directions. With some imagination and a squint, maybe a small smile could be made out. At least it can be heard in his voice, even though he's being teased. He knows that it was rare before. ]
Hard to not be in a good mood when you're home. [ Even if this is solace at the end of the line. He gestures with a hand, a little frivolous though incredulous. ] So you were always in a rush, but have nothing to report? How suspicious.
[ SHADY. ]
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A glowing review from you. I'll look forward to it, then.
[Though he's having a perfectly good time here, just engaging in conversation. He watches the patchwork mess of Jacopo's expression like he's looking at art on a museum wall, tracking the changes with an open sort of interest. There's just a little hum in response to the first part; his home is not a comforting place, so it's a sentiment he can understand in theory only. The rest has him cracking another smile, the kind that make his eyes half-moon.]
Then I suppose we're just two suspicious people, aren't we? Two suspicious people with nothing to report.
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I am far less suspicious than you.
[ Not that there's a high bar here... It is incredibly low. Jacopo knows he became shadier during the karmic cycles, though that wasn't entirely his fault. He still believes himself to shoulder responsibility.
And yet he points at Lucas. He isn't taking back what he said, though. ]
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Do you think so? I think that between the two of us, especially right now, you would be considered the more suspicious person by far.
[It's because Lucas looks like a Renaissance painting and Jacopo is a blurry shadow creature. He reaches out to lightly pat one of his shoulder blurs, the amusement prominent.]
But you're suspicious in a charming way.
[IS THAT A COMPLIMENT.]
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It might be a scrutinizing squint. ]
I don't think suspicious can ever be twisted to be a compliment.
[ He won't be taking it as one. ]
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[But this is also said in a joking tone. So much of what he says is said like it's jest even though not everything he says is actual jest. A creature...
He's just sort of watching Jacopo's face and form come together like a live painter is placing colors on the canvas right in front of his eyes, though. It's a curious thing and if he weren't so proper by design and default, he'd be tempted to reach out and touch, see if he's as solid now as he was when he was all smog and shadow.]
You're starting to look more like yourself and less like a little storm cloud now, though.
[It's endearing... in a strangely Eldritch-esque way. The formless becoming formed.]
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Is that so?
[ Not like he can immediately notice or tell without any reflective surface, but he doesn't seem all that perturbed by it. It hasn't gotten in the way of his livelihood here.
It does make him wonder if it's similar to the effects in Heaven so long ago... Where if left to his lonesome, he turns into a dark haze only to return if someone else was present. Like he can only remember himself when someone is there with him. ]
It took me longer to gain form last time, I think. [ He doesn't know. It could have potentially taken him nearing eight hundred years. ] You will just have to deal with it.
[ ... ]
You know I am genuinely curious about how you led your life after we parted.
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But he just nods at the question, smiles at the rest of what's said.]
Did it? You've already changed quite quickly even in just this short amount of time together. I'll "deal with it", but that makes it sound like something I've been burdened with... I don't really mind it at all.
[Maybe it's a bit like a fat and cozy cat being able to watch the birds flit about to and from the bird feeder set by the window, the way he just watches Jacopo's face and body shift and change. The way that his expression's sharpness comes and goes, and the familiarity in the lines of him become starker.
There's a little wryness to the smile that follows, though. Thin, brief. Oh the life he's lived.]
Why don't we trade, then? A story for a story. You aren't the only curious person here, after all.
no subject
He does think Lucas is weird... If this happened to him, he wouldn't be quite okay with it. Or maybe he would be. Hard to know when you're not in the same position and years have also changed him a bit, eroded some of his edges. When experiences become many, you become not quite numb, but desensitized to what would be unnerving for the most part.
Still, he thinks he would overreact, but a normal amount, he tells himself. ]
You come to my home on invitation and think you can start up negotiations. [ Leaning forward, he props his elbow onto his knee, then rest his chin on his palm. ] That's some arrogance.
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Even years and years can't erode Jacopo's delusional sense that he's the only normal person in the bar though, huh. Even with some of his edges eroded he's still out here like "man this guy is a freak, thank god I'm the normal person here". ARE YOU NORMAL JACOPO? WERE YOU EVER??
He wears his amusement openly though, not leaning forward in turn but definitely seeming very comfortable in the space of this sketchy artbook doodle of a man and his fantasy wheat world. He is often more comfortable than he should be in any given space, but why wouldn't he feel that way when he'd been invited, for all intents and purposes?]
Is it? I think it's not so egregious, really. You won't indulge my curiosity even a little...? I've come all this way.
[HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW FAR "ALL THIS WAY" IS nothing is linear when you're a spirit just gently drifting between life and death.]
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There is nothing in the whole multi-universes that would shake Jacopo's belief that he knows what normal should be like and that in many cases he has normal reactions. Does this make him less insane? Not in particular.
Being invited to a place you've only seen as a mirage should be concerning, but it is peaceful here. Nothing bad has or will ever happen in this little tranquil dream. It is Jacopo's haven, after all, but now it houses a demon whom Jacopo is trying to converse with. His index finger taps his cheek a couple of times because ALL THIS WAY is so relative.
Pensive. ]
... After my time in Heaven, I did find Morgana and apologized to her like I said I would.
[ They can start there. ]
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Jacopo being insane should probably counterbalance some of his seeming normalcy but he can continue to live in his bizarre state of dual existence in which he is both super abnormal and also relatively normal. A circus act of a man surrounded by other even louder clowns.
But!! He does lean forward just a little when Jacopo starts them off. He is not a DEMON listen here, he's just a curious man who's interested in knowing what sort of fate befell his friend, whom he became fond of so quickly and stayed fond of even with the wildass murders.]
You did? How did... Did it go well? Were you able to locate her quickly? Was she in another afterlife like ours?
[Morgana just out there in the angry ghost void flipping everyone off.]
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Jacopo can read that Lucas still shares some fondness for him... And he wonders how could he? While there was a period where they met some kind of unspoken interpersonal compromise, he put up an invisible barrier. He left the bridge between them in tatters, only extending a hand over the gap yet not repairing it for either of them to cross.
There's a snort as he thinks about this rather than about his predicament. Who is he to judge Lucas? After so many years, he holds similar feelings—fondness. Maybe regret. ]
I didn't keep track how long it took to take her. She was in a nebulous plane kind of like here, but different.
[ He gestures to the dream, though this is a specific bubble created in the strange and boundless ethereal sea. Do not expect him to be able to explain mechanics. He's just a man. ]
She didn't take it well, but that was to be expected. She left the world of broken mind, so too was her soul. [ ... ] She didn't hear me—she didn't see me, but I offered my apology, regardless.
[ It is the right thing to do, if not for herself then also for him. ]
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Meanwhile, Lucas is just vibing, unaware of the way Jacopo is wondering after his fondness. Even with invisible barriers and tattered bridges, it's the person who's standing on the other side whom he values. Even if he can't reach out and hold that hand, or at least not hold it so easily, he can still hold Jacopo himself in fondness.
It's that same fondness that colors his expression here and now; the softness of his sympathy, the quiet way that he takes in the few short sentences that may hide a bigger wealth of sorrow.]
...I'm glad that you were able to offer your apology. [Said just as softly, with a small smile. Like this, with all of his sharp edges contained, it's easy to see how he managed for so long both in life and in death without stirring any concern.]
I hope that she's able to find wholeness again in some way, somehow, wherever she may be now. I hope that you are, as well.
[Because Jacopo is here and he's surrounded by a nebulous plane in which nothing bad has or will ever happen, but the scars of the soul don't face as easily as the face apparently can.]
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I feel more myself than I ever been, if that's reassuring at all. She has become whole, too. [ Whether it's reassuring is for Lucas to decide. Congratulations Morgana for no longer being fractured. His smile is there, though it becomes fuzzier than before. ] Someone else saved her.
[ And while there's an abundant well of relief and happiness when he says that, there's a tinge of ugly envy in it in spite the golden wheat, warm sun, and crisp breeze from the sea.
Ugly envy is a reminder that he has done absolutely nothing for her. He had only plunged her in despair. He has no right to take her hand. He has no right... To save her, having lost it so long ago. Useless to the very end. Self-loathing is a personal affliction, difficult to cure. ]
She's on a journey to find happiness... That is all I could ever wish for.
[ Which isn't true despite how resigned he sounds. How can anyone not want and dream for more? Especially for her, he wishes he could at least be a part in her life. He doesn't need to be anyone to her. He learned he doesn't need to amount to greatness. If he could make those he loves happy, then it would be enough. Just like how he first wanted, first wished, and why he took up the blade.
... But that isn't right for him to want. That is greed he isn't allowed to have. ]
Was all of that a substantial answer?
[ Even though he left out a lot of things. ]
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It does sound reassuring to him though, with the context he does (or doesn't) have. Becoming whole is a good thing, after all, is it not? If the alternative is to be broken in some way, or at the very least absent of some important pieces, then wholeness is surely somewhat better.
But Lucas can also pick up on that tiny tinge of envy. It is a very human emotion, after all; to want the best for someone, to be satisfied watching over them from afar, to not even need anything in return but a smile, but to still feel envy for those who manage to succeed where one has failed. His head cants a little to the side at the question posed.]
It's a fair summary, at least in regards to Morgana.
[It does not escape his notice that there was like a 3:1 ratio of information on Morgana and how she's been faring compared to Jacopo himself and whatever the hell he was up to while someone else was out there making Morgana whole again. Binch would never guess a fucking guy was in the billiards room.]
But it does sound as though things have gone relatively well, yes? May she travel that path for as long and as far as it may lead her, and enjoy a happiness all her own.
[And as he pauses for a moment and glances around this little world again, he wonders if there's a sort of happiness here too, even if it's not necessarily whole or hale.]
As a summary, it was also quite succinct, though.
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[ Time in the afterlife is a strange thing. Days do not exist. It is all one moment without a single seam. When a lot of it feels similar, it's hard to know exactly when an hour has passed and onward.
It's not to say he doesn't remember... He remembers some of his trials. He remembers his life as a mafia boss. But he doesn't think it's that important to share right now. Reunions shouldn't be ruined with tragedy and Lucas doesn't need to know he was trapped in a (haha) cage with a fate he couldn't fight.
There is no sorrow in it. He was satisfied with atoning, even though through those years he had wanted to see people again. It was buried under all his guilt, unfortunately. ]
Now... Yourself? Did you marry like your sister wanted you to?
[ LOVE? ]
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[Said with a bit of startled and quiet awe. HELLO. HELP. IT'S BEEN A WHILE, SAID JACOPO, COMPLETELY UNDERSELLING HOW LONG IT'S BEEN. Lucas may lose track of time in the in-between, but his life was short and his stints in afterlives are also short, even with time bleeding into itself sometimes in the way it seems to do in this realm. He presses his fingertips lightly against his mouth for a moment, the gesture both thoughtful and reflecting some of his surprise.]
It's certainly been much longer for you than I, in that case.
[Multiple lifetimes! So many years of punishment... His fucking CAGE!! Sometimes you cage someone while you yourself are in the cage. It's not the circle of life out here but the circle of caging and being caged.
The question has him lifting his hand away from his face and waving it gently through the air in a soft sign of dismissal, though.]
I wasn't able to give her that, unfortunately... [Sometimes you love one person and then kill that person because they fall in love with Satan and then never find love again.] Though she'd be quite pleased to know that you asked after her wants so soon. I've already faced more than enough teasing over it, though.
[He was not teased, it was very depressing since Nadia just wanted him to get married quickly so she could SEE IT BEFORE SHE DIED but it's fine. Reunions shouldn't be ruined with tragedy.]
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Then that just means I have less to catch up on.
[ That's a nice sentiment, isn't it? Less feeling like he has missed out so much in people's lives, not that he had the right to see them or be a part of it. He will have to listen to them as stories and tales... Play them in his mind with whatever vivid imagination he can scrounge up.
The hand gesture already prepares him for the answer, shoulders already slackening in disappointment even though he doesn't care too much about love lives. However... Seeing people happy is good. That is what Nadia wanted? She should be happy. What about Lucas? This is about Nadia. ]
How come? You didn't pursue? They found someone else?
[ not the slaughter ]
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I suppose that's true...
[WHAT A WAY OF LOOKING AT IT but it is indeed true. Hundreds of years have passed for one of them and not even a decade for the other. Probably not even one single full year, honestly. The time he had while alive (again) was jam-packed with insane bullshit, but they're also not things he's particularly inclined to discuss ever, and especially not in this place made up of all things ideal.
Caring about Nadia is the right move to make in any case. Lucas would also agree. WHAT ABOUT HIM, THIS IS ABOUT NADIA!! He speaks with a touch of wry amusement.]
You assume that I had a person in mind to pursue in the first place.
[He did not. Not really, considering he'd never intended to make any sort of move and was just satisfied to support Ceres and her happiness from afar, but he prefers to speak like he never had any prospects in the first place. The same answer he'd give to Nadia: there's no one like that in my life.]
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There was that girl in that memory that you claimed to not remember or have.
[ Jacopo still remembers and has long started doubting a lot of what Lucas says about his own memories... It's not out of malice or distaste for his character, but his condition and state. Even if Lucas' mind wasn't full of holes, he's aware that it's a long shot? Throws him the smallest bone. ]
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It really wasn't a memory of mine... [HE IS STAUNCH. His memory really is just a paper snowflake that's full of holes, but it's fine. He is not from the route where any of those things come back to him.]
In any case, Ceres was a dear student of mine. She also died a half-year or so before I did, the first time.
[HE FUCKING DID THIS. Lucas like "she died" (hides halberd behind his back).]
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... That's quite young. [ If Lucas is an aged, dying teacher, then his student is likely maybe approaching twenty? ] So you didn't get a chance to reconnect before you found yourself here?
[ Like in Heaven, or somewhere in the realm of souls. There's always still a chance, you know? ]
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