agora | SHOULD I JUST BE MAKING CATCHALLS PER PLAYER?

[ becomes horrified that i didn't capitalize on affection week in crau3.

Jacopo tenses when his hand is caught, even though it's a familiar hand in his. It doesn't feel like months ago, it feels like deja vu. It had been so long that his mind second-guesses that they've held hands in any capacity—maybe in a dream. Perhaps in one of his dreams they were tussling in a gazebo as a drizzle of alcohol plagued Heaven... He didn't exactly remember who was it in this dream, but he does now.

It's odd to mourn a sensation he barely remembers, but he does as he tightens his grasp. Just a bit. Fretful, hesitant, and careful. ]

I could have. I wouldn't know unless I tried. [ He made his choice, but the next question has his expression twist. It's... Complicated. ] At the airport, I had weeks to reason that I would just be a ghost to them after so long.

[ He doesn't know how to answer, truthfully. Just two month ago, he didn't remember anyone from his past lives and Heaven. Sure, for Claude only two months have passed, but can it be the same for others? HOW DOES TIME WORK? ]

I wouldn't begrudge them for forgetting me. I've forgotten them before. Went out of my way to reject the notion I knew them, too... It would be fair if they didn't think much of how I got here.

[ u fool... jacopo could've had so many hugs

In any case, Claude holds onto that hand. Even after his experiences in heaven, he knows he's not the best at empathizing with others, or communicating emotion. He doesn't know if he's doing it right in this moment, or if he's just forcing his own perspective onto Jacopo.

It's easier to communicate through touch, probably. Though he's not skilled in this regard either. He just wants to convey to his friend that he cares, and that there's someone who carries him in their heart, and hopes for his happiness. ]

Maybe it would be fair, but did any of them react that way? [ Do they even know? The way Claude only knows Siffrin. ] Actually, you know what, I don't even care.

[ They're not here, so he should focus on the two of them that are. ]

Being alone that long... It messes with you. Makes you think that you've been abandoned, that no one would miss you, or cares how you feel. [ He hasn't clued in that Jacopo didn't have these memories until recently, assuming that it's one continuous existence, carrying the memories from one life to the next. ] But I do care, whether it was two months ago or two hundred years ago. You don't have to act like it wasn't difficult, Jacopo.

[ Claude, you are trying your best... And sometimes that is enough, sometimes it isn't. Jacopo is a difficult and delicate person where you must handle him roughly at some points, then gently at other points. He hasn't pushed so far where Jacopo wants him out. ]

I wasn't close to four out of five that were brought from Heaven, which was fortunate for me... Better since at least they weren't thrown for a rough loop when I didn't remember a single thing about them or our time in the afterlife.

[ Claude says he doesn't care, but he grumbles this, anyway. They weren't heartbroken. Jonas, fortunately, just misunderstood the whole idea to be something positive. A part of him wishes he stayed in the dark, though.

The whole time he has kept his eyes elsewhere, but his gaze finally flicks back to lock onto Claude's. It's challenging, almost defiant, in an attempt to shake Claude off, but it softens. Who could actually hate hearing someone cares about them? He's left with feeling... Uncomfortable, but it isn't an unwelcome discomfort.

Silence. ]

It was lonely at first. [ He has to muster everything to admit this and the pause after draws long. There is a pause after each sentence to follow. ] The silence was suffocating where I wished the voices spoke to me again... Over time, I forgot it all—who I was, what I looked like, everyone, almost everything—but it made it easier to bear eternity.

[ Jacopo pushes himself upright on the couch so he can better clasp Claude's hand with both of his. Like an act of prayer, he lifts them while he lowers his head, pressing his brow against these hands. What sorrow and grief he should have for himself is placed elsewhere. ]

... Can you forgive me?

[ It's okay, Jacopo. Claude is also uncomfortable, even though he's not the one pinned down and forced to comfort painful memories. But even with that being the case, he doesn't enjoy hearing about what Jacopo went through, or pressing him on emotions that he'd rather remain hidden. But he can bear the discomfort for honesty's sake.

And he's proud that you can confess to your hardships, even if it brings weight with it that settles in his chest, and a frustration at his inability to change anything.

He's thrown off-balance soon though, looking momentarily stupefied when Jacopo takes his hand and bows his head. ]

Wait— [ hUH? ] Hold on- you don't have to apologize to me. Of course I forgive you for doing whatever it took to endure.

[ He doesn't scold him for blaming himself needlessly yet again, a little heartbroken that the only way for Jacopo to survive was to erase whatever he could of himself.

With a sigh, he frees his hand so that he can take hold of Jacopo's head, lifting so that they can look at one another. ]

Look, if you're worried about how I'm going to react to this, then I'll be straightforward for once: I'm glad you're still here, and that we could meet again. I wasn't able to do anything for you during all that time, so I'm counting on you to lean on me now. If you can do that, then you have my forgiveness.

[ He's just indulging in your company, Claude. Somehow, memories played and experienced aren't the same as the flesh.

So he holds his hand and keeps his forehead rested as Claude becomes MORE UNCOMFORTABLE, which is nice. Better than him, but this is also where he recognizes the calluses of a soldier... And he himself lost all of his own to rebirth.

Is forgiveness usually given so easily? He forgot him, then broke his promise, and had thought about ghosting for a couple of more years—before his thoughts continue, he's pulled to look at him. Instinctively, he tenses and glowers because he doesn't like being manhandled, but it lingers for only a moment. ]

I'll try. [ Genuinely, he'll do what is asked of him even if all of this is still uncomfortable. How does he make forgiveness put him at ease? ] But it's going to be uninteresting, so don't expect too much.

[ Just looks like a grumpy tired dog in Claude's palms, I guess. ]

[ He really is a grumpy dog. Claude is more of a cat person, but there's definitely a charm to dogged loyalty... The sight of his sulking just gets him to smile though, since he got what he wanted.

Well, sort of. He would rather Jacopo not have anything to confide in the first place, but there's no one who lives such a perfect life. He can only do his best to compensate for the loneliness he'd felt all those years. ]

It can't be any more uninteresting than listening to nobles gossip. Or talk about anything, actually.

[ He'll let him go now that he's made his point, letting his hands fall back to his lap and leaning against the couch. ]

... Do you wish you hadn't remembered it all?

[ At the very least, Jacopo is a very independent dog who doesn't need that much attention. There's a soft roll of his eyes as he also remembers nobility's penchant for prattle. He gets you. SO GLAD HE DOESN'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

... Posturing to people up on corporate ladder is still kind of similar, though. ]

I thought you loved being nosy. I'll make sure to complain about how incompetent my coworkers are.

[ But since his head is free, he leans back onto the couch and fix his hair a bit because it got a little tousled. ]

It wasn't a choice I got to make, but no... I don't.

[ Sorry, he has no respect for Jacopo's carefully styled hair. He does think his hair is nice, actually, but sometimes emotions take precedence.

Just watches him a moment before leaning over to grab the water Jacopo had gotten him and take a sip. ]

Why? [ He's watching Jacopo so closely. ] Do you think that you don't deserve to be free of bad memories?

[ His guess is that Jacopo thinks of it like a cross he must carry for his entire existence. ]

[ STOP, he doesn't carefully style it all the time. It's just easy to make messy when your hair is wavy.

A squint at the way he's being watched. ]

Are you suddenly my therapist? [ Wait. ] You don't know what a therapist is, do you...

[ Okay... You don't have to be rude just because he's observing you like a bug under a microscope. ]

I know what therapy is, Jacopo.

[ He absorbed a lot while in heaven.

He just shrugs. ]

Hundreds have years have passed since we last met, can you blame me for being curious? I have a lot to catch up on.

[ He wouldn't say that he understood Jacopo well before, but now there's an even larger gap, isn't there? He's just trying to bridge it. ]

[ Listen. It is rude to make someone a little specimen to examine, even if it's a friend.

Wow. They both learned a bit about therapy in Heaven. Jacopo crosses his arms and looks off to the side. ]

Is it so unbelievable to think that maybe I had some fond memories I would want to remember?

[ Mock offended. ]

Maybe a little.

[ Harassing him now. ]

It might help if you list out some...?

[ When he looks back to Claude his eyebrows knit, incredulous. He is better remembering that you are a bit stinky as a person.

His eyes wander again as he thinks. It's rather easy for him to narrow it down. ]

... When Maria and I were on better terms, the times were always good. [ In spite of her coming after his life twice, he can't fault her and instead still loves her. ] Especially when Morgana was there, too. Everyone present, really.

[ Gratien, Ceren, his buddies at the pub. He still considers the memories he shared with them to be good, even if in previous iterations he was near incapable of admitting to it... He was too harrowed by every happy memory just ultimately becoming sad.

With the distance of years and penance coming to an end, he can look back with a less heavy and strained heart. ]

Even my time as Lord, there were some moments with my advisor I appreciated. I still think about his advice to me.

[ Tilts his head as he starts scrubbing through Heaven. ]

In Heaven, I had a couple of good days... [ Doesn't detail for reasons. ] I enjoyed the last party, too.

[ So, so, so quietly in a mumble, "being married" because he doesn't want Claude to ask about this. ]

[ Well, he had been trying to wheedle out compliments from their time together in heaven, but he's pleasantly surprised by the honest answer. Even if it does ache a little, remembering the memories Jacopo shared with him of how he'd been betrayed by those dear friends of his.

Resting his arm against the back of the couch, he props his head up on a fist, looking relaxed and content. The good times don't make the hardships "worth it" necessarily, but there's no harm in focusing on the good. ]

You got married? Congratulations.

[ He wasn't even invited... Sad. Well, Jacopo didn't know that he existed. But still.

He doesn't ask about it, because he hasn't forgotten what Jacopo said about being reborn to repeat his mistakes. ]

Those old friends of yours, have you found them again in this world?

[ Thank you. Him in turbo watching everyone ask about his wife and holding himself back from a spiral...

Also, he would never dish out compliments without some more coaxing, maybe an upfront ask. That would be too embarrassing? Even as a tease, that seems a bit mean. Maybe it would have been fine for Claude, but he's overthinking a bit in his situation. ]

Interested in meeting them?

[ Oh. He looks surprised. ]

You'd let me?

[ First of all, he's not from this world so they might find him strange even if he tries to be normal. And second, Jacopo had said that this life wasn't bad... Claude would understand if he wanted to protect it, and keep it separate from the games. ]

[ It's very casual and comes with a half-shruig. Jacopo doesn't see the problem here? If anything, it's better for his friends to get to know each other, even if they think Claude will be weird for his medieval habits every now and then.

That isn't his problem. That's Claude's. ]

Maria would eat you alive.

[ Fair warning. ]

[ His eyebrows rise at the warning... Okay. ]

I'm pretty used to being harassed by women, don't worry. [ Between Judith, Hilda and Shez... Probably not as badly as Jacopo since he's not as much of a pathetic bottom, but they don't pull their punches around him.

But wow! Meeting new people! Thankfully, Claude doesn't have social anxiety so this doesn't intimidate him. ]

I want to learn more about this world before that though, so I don't look like a complete fool.

Something we have in common, though less so for me now.

[ But that's because he doesn't have many friends in Paris. Been too busy with work, but fate works in strange ways. He already invited Maria back into his life, so all of the pieces will eventually fall back to where they should be. ]

I'll say you're from the countryside to give you some cover. [ Jacopo thinks it works out. ] You can even borrow my clothes.

[ Touches his chest. ]

I don't know if I'm bold enough to pull off your look, Jacopo.

What?

[ He really does not know what Claude means... His lord robes were pretty modest and even right now he had buttoned up more to meet him. He is only chest out in casual and lounge wear.

But even then, he doesn't really like. Realize. ]

[ Jacopo... You have great tits. ]

Nothing. Just remembering something.

[ He doesn't have the heart to tease him further when he's being so considerate. ]

Which reminds me, do you want to visit Fódlan? There are others you'd know there. [ ... ] Or I suppose I could bring them.

[ Fódlan is kind of boring. ]

[ Thank you. He does purposely choose cleavage to be comfortable and sometimes he likes how it looks. Do not stare for too long.

Only going to raise an eyebrow at that. ]

If my clothes aren't to your liking, you'd just need to tolerate them long enough to shop for your own.

[ It's no big deal, but... Mm. He tosses the idea around in his head about visiting. ]

Back to medieval times, but one with wyverns. [ That is a perk as if seeing the other people from Heaven isn't already one, yet he goes quiet. ] ... Frankly, you're the only one I care to see from there.

[ Oh... He wouldn't mind going shopping. Claude actually does like creature comforts like fancy clothes and pretty jewelry. It makes him feel nice. Another reason he won't tease Jacopo too much about his cleavage.

But his attention shifts elsewhere. For a second, he almost feels a little wiggly at the response, like when someone gives you a compliment and you're too awkward to know how to respond. Which is strange, because he can usually accept compliments with ease. Yes, he does know that he has a big brain when it comes to getting out of sticky situations.

Then again, maybe it's not a compliment. It could just be because he's already weaselled his way here.

Gently rubs his face to disguise any reaction. ]

Really? [ Well, he doesn't think Jacopo is BFFs with Saber or Yves. ] You know, both Yves and Adolphe are there.

[ Though, they are still... together... so it could be uncomfortable for him. He doesn't know. ]

[ Claude can see large shopping malls later. It'll be a fun little trip full of exploration and discovery.

Jacopo doesn't see it much as a compliment as it's simply the truth. It is in part that Claude shoved his way in... He appeared at the airport and approached him like nothing has changed—well, nothing had for Claude. He bypassed Jacopo's worries and hesitance by wedging himself back into his life, forcing him to condense what could have taken months, or maybe years, into days.

It is difficult for Jacopo to ignore how different he is now. With the way he's dressed, with where he lives, even in how he thinks. They may be echoes that translate and assimilate to the period and time he's in, but he isn't the same and there's some guilt in that. He had changed for the better, but he lost what made him similar to the people he cared for.

His rational mind knows he's still himself, but there are parts of him that don't make him the same. There are a thousand years' worth of parts and it lets the irrational side of him fester. Rejection is a scary thing... But Claude remedied it, only between them. ]

I know. [ It came with the memories. He hasn't forgotten all the people Claude offered some kind of refuge. ] I hope they're living a happy life.

[ He doesn't say a word about seeing or talking to Adolphe, but the smile that plasters onto his lips is full of sincerity. Torn in two, he considers a safe distance even if he deeply misses him. He loved him and he still does, but Jacopo can stand back and reaffirm that it's better this way. He said such foolish things back then, had foolish dreams and hopes... So blinded by the warm feeling in his chest that threatened to burst. Adolphe reminded him what it felt like to not be alone, to be understood.

But Jacopo should have remembered he was doomed and cursed, so he's grateful that Adolphe didn't take his hand to know new misery. It's better that he doesn't know.

No one needs to know, except for Claude he supposes. Jacopo gestures to him with an open hand. ]

That just leaves you. Don't feel too special.

[ But Claude is special, one where Jacopo decided he won't add multiple pretenses. As much as Jacopo would like to see Marcoh, he won't be going for his own desires. It'll be to reunite him and Daan, to ease both of their anxieties and regrets. There's Jonas whom Jacopo intends to check on, but not overstay. Heaven isn't a place for mortals and Jonas made plenty of friends in AllStars. ]

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