[ He, for some reason, can't imagine Vash giving a massage (normal, sincere), and yet, the vision of Vash taking up a brief day job as a masseuse at some parlour putting up his best customer service smile and trying to work knots out of one of those 8-feet tall hulking outlaws immediately fills his mind and he tries not to choke on his food at the absurd comedy of it. He suppresses a light cough, wiping small crumbs of cinnamon off the corner of his mouth with his free hand whose arm isn't being squeezed.
Are you enjoying the bicep touch sir. He yanks his arm out of it after the twentieth-or-so squeeze. ]
Enjoying yourself? Quit it. And fine, I meant we can't afford fancy on the regular.
[ And Wolfwood also not knowing the joys of fancy places... why pay premium for a place when a normal bed will suffice etc etc etc. He does make a slight face at the notion of bug-catching, mostly because he's pretty sure it'd entail standing for hours under the twin suns, which is oofa. He might not be necessarily into the sandfishing itself, but he'd chaperone Vash if he'd want to try it. ]
[ Can't chase after Wolfwood's arm if he's gently patting his back from the coughing. Sorry to say that Wolfwood's imagination is real... Even if Vash lacks the tactility because he's missing an arm, he understands force and pressure enough with his prosthetic where he can mimic the art with both hands just as good as any other.
After another pat, he stops. ]
A once in a while Hooters experience... [ Sounds good to him. He isn't into fancy either and with their table manners they definitely do not belong. Daydreams are fun, anyway. ] Reminds me, when I got back here the first thing I had was ice cream.
[ Vash is 150 and has worked every possible job that exists on No Man's Land under the suns, probably. This would not be surprising to Wolfwood whatsoever and yet it still takes him out. ]
[ HIS BICEP. He smacks Vash's hand away and reaches for his bicep. Surely you are in like a normal shirt because you said you don't have the coat. Get over here for your squeeze, he knows you're actually ripped under there. ]
That's what Earth decided to bring?
[ PRIORITIES... isn't it wild that Earth managed to make contact with No Man's Land in like, what. A year maybe, between first contact at the ship and shit going on in the climax? And that's with Knives actively interfering with the communication and transport. Their universe is so theoretically hyper-advanced but they're cucked by basically being a shipwrecked portion of mankind. ]
That's a real specific number. What are the other ten?
[ Because he imagines three HAVE to be the classic vanilla-chocolate-strawberry. ]
[ It's sincere, less gay than saying he wants to spoil and pamper Wolfwood. Vash is here in a dress shirt, yeah. Wolfwood can squeeze his bicep... It is hard. Yeah...
Earth is so incredibly advanced and I've chosen the priorities of some entrepreneurs is to see this as opportunity to peddle their wares to a bereft planet. Affordable ice cream for the masses. Imagine the sales.
[ HE MEANT SPECIFICALLY IN HIS OWN BICEP. Wolfwood is never really going to settle with being spoiled and pampered, it triggers the aggression in him like when you give too much love to your dog and they eventually just start flailing out of your grasp. It's very much that energy.
To be fair to Earth, ice cream would legitimately sell like crazy on this planet, so like. Yeah. Actually literally worth bringing over and starting business. ]
Who the hell wants to eat something called rocky road?
[ Vash wasn't even sure... What is Wolfwood's favorite flavor for desserts. He only knows the guy really likes noodles of all types based on their travels. He'll begin gathering their trash and throwing it away now. ]
[ And maybe twice if they really like it. Wolfwood does not have a distinct favourite for when it comes to sweets, he hasn't indulged enough to pick one yet. ]
Of ice cream? I dunno. Vanilla, chocolate, they both were pretty good.
[ As basic as it is, vanilla is tasty... especially if it's proper vanilla. I cannot give an opinion on pistachio because I think it's bad on account of disliking nuts :(. Also help the fact that you had to specify unsexy, why is he whispering. Wolfwood raises a brow about it as he's finishing off his dessert, wiping his fingers off on a napkin and tossing it to the bin. Kobe... score. ]
You don't usually ask before you drape yourself all over me. Not plannin' anything funny, are you?
[ Are you sure you don't want him to move back to the bed rather than risk falling over in this desk + chair combo? ]
I like strawberry myself, but that's hard to come by. Vanilla's always a good choice.
[ Berries be a luxury, but real vanilla bean is also a luxury. He's whispering just for dramatic effect, sir... And with that he sits on Wolfwood's lap, legs dangled over one armrest while he settles against him. His head rests along his shoulder—no tomfoolery here.
They're balanced enough where they have no fear of toppling over. If Wolfwood thinks this is dangerous, then he can move them with his stiff biceps. ]
I've never sat on you before. [ Recalling things. No, he has sat on him. ] Like this. So I thought I'd ask
[ For the sake of being close, granted even if Wolfwood said no there was a chance he'd clamber on, anyway. ]
[ Why are you whispering DRAMATICALLY. It's fine, Wolfwood doesn't need real vanilla beans, that's so expensive for 10 minutes of flavourful joy?? He will settle for the vanilla extract. He lightly ghosts his hands over Vash's hips (non-sexy) as a safety measure to keep him steady in case he topples their balance, but they are safe from this danger. He'll just leave it comfortably there anyways. ]
Yeah, that's what I thought.
[ When Vash corrects himself because you have most certainly sat on him before. At least once in the UG alone, Wolfwood being a sore loser over his own nerfed ass, crushed beneath Vash's weight. ]
[ Wow, gay hand positions, as if Vash isn't just sitting on Wolfwood like a princess, long legs gently kicking back and forth from where they dangle. It isn't abrupt, so they stay upright and safe for now.
Something in him wants to comment on how he misses being able to overpower Wolfwood without considering tapping into his abnormal strength, but decides to let it go with a huff. Putting on a display and show, his tone changes to be higher-pitched. It's an attempt to sound like an impressionable person. ]
I am here to thank you, kind sir, for going out and getting us food.
[ It's only non-sexy, it's most certainly still gay. He is so tempted to give a shitheel response do you understand. He's debating it. Either that or being like knock it off with the higher pitched voice. ]
Yeah? Was your idea of thanking me just crushin' my thighs or what?
In case you forgot because you sometimes wanna think you're a lapdog -- you're a full-grown man.
[ Shifts his legs and Vash's weight on him to return it back to whatever feels most comfortable. You know how when you're sitting relaxed... thighs soft. But if you put great weight on top of that, it kinda hurts. It's that.
He draws his hand from Vash's hip up his back, applying a bit of pressure, a physical and implicit ask to come lean down a little. ]
Stop... How can he fight you when he feels that hand gently guiding him to lean down. He allows himself to be go wherever Wolfwood wants him, nesting more atop him despite the complaints about his weight as a full-grown man. He's... a little nervous because he doesn't remember the last time he was this close to someone for this long without it being a joke. Or his attempt at being wasted to hell. ]
Woof woof?
[ He can pretend to be a lapdog. Who can stop him?! ]
I was thinkin' about seein' if you'd let me kiss you, but between that and the fact that it still smells like food up close, I'm having second thoughts.
[ He was gonna kill two birds with one stone, distribute Vash's weight better and maybe steal a kiss. However it's hard allegedly when he's woofing at you, though it obviously doesn't stop him from sitting back in his seat a little more comfortably. ]
[ Some silence to pair with his surprise, no woof to be uttered or heard, since he isn't used to Wolfwood being affectionate... Their time in the Underground was fraught with stress and tension after all.
Well, since Wolfwood was wondering, Vash gives him a small peck. It isn't so much of an actual kiss as it's him pressing his face to Wolfwood's cheek. There's no small smacking noise or purse of his lips, no suffering a strong scent of burrito breath... Just the faint lingering aroma from food recently consumed clinging onto whatever it can.
You never know where life takes you... One day the apocalypse kicks off, the next you smell like beef, cheese, and fried dough. ]
[ The funny part really is that if he's in the right mood he can be very good at it. It's just that getting there is so unpredictable that it may as well be sheer luck. ]
You don't gotta look that surprised.
[ DAMN. He can be a little lovable sometimes, right? Right?! Anyway something about this makes him want to pet Vash's hair behind the ears. The inherent instinct to wish to pet animal, it is here. Does he still maintain that undercut?
Either way, somewhat sated by sorta-smooch-maybe-more-like-nuzzle. He turns his head though and brushes his lips against Vash's cheek, pressing a kiss against the high or his cheekbone. ]
[ I guess there's kind of an undercut because he recently got a trim, but his hair is down so there is technically hair behind his ears.
There's an abrupt jerk as he straightens up and it makes the chair creak under their combined weight. ]
It's not because it's unlike you!
[ Despite being shitty and critical of Wolfwood for jokes a lot of the time, some the worst of times for his own good, one of the last things Vash would ever say is that Wolfwood (or anyone) isn't a loving person. While both of them are far from normal people, he wants Wolfwood to know he isn't different from others...
He isn't heartless or cold, just annoying and mean (with purpose). ]
I'm just surprised because I'm not used to it—[ Then he receives the kiss and he shuts up immediately.
It's one thing if they're in a romantic or desperately gay mood... It's a different beast if it's spontaneous? It really is unpredictable coming from Wolfwood and Vash is trying to mentally comprehend all of this despite the fluttering butterflies in his stomach. ]
[ He snorts a little, rubbing fingers in a small circle where they still lie on a spot on Vash's back, in the small crook just under his shoulder blades. ]
Yeah, that's right. Shut up a little before you talk yourself into something.
[ He says, perfectly content to be like this. He wasn't even remotely offended, it's like mock offense. He knows he's rough and gruff around the edges, and being softer is something he's definitely going to have to work on with Vash. It's hard to let those spikes down when their entire time together, it's been walking on eggshells and mines for so many reasons.
This is easier for him, acts of service and physical affection. It's his return for not saying 'I love you back' earlier in favour of trying not to shrivel in on himself. Not in a bad way, just another thing he has to warm up to.
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[ He, for some reason, can't imagine Vash giving a massage (normal, sincere), and yet, the vision of Vash taking up a brief day job as a masseuse at some parlour putting up his best customer service smile and trying to work knots out of one of those 8-feet tall hulking outlaws immediately fills his mind and he tries not to choke on his food at the absurd comedy of it. He suppresses a light cough, wiping small crumbs of cinnamon off the corner of his mouth with his free hand whose arm isn't being squeezed.
Are you enjoying the bicep touch sir. He yanks his arm out of it after the twentieth-or-so squeeze. ]
Enjoying yourself? Quit it. And fine, I meant we can't afford fancy on the regular.
[ And Wolfwood also not knowing the joys of fancy places... why pay premium for a place when a normal bed will suffice etc etc etc. He does make a slight face at the notion of bug-catching, mostly because he's pretty sure it'd entail standing for hours under the twin suns, which is oofa. He might not be necessarily into the sandfishing itself, but he'd chaperone Vash if he'd want to try it. ]
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[ Can't chase after Wolfwood's arm if he's gently patting his back from the coughing. Sorry to say that Wolfwood's imagination is real... Even if Vash lacks the tactility because he's missing an arm, he understands force and pressure enough with his prosthetic where he can mimic the art with both hands just as good as any other.
After another pat, he stops. ]
A once in a while Hooters experience... [ Sounds good to him. He isn't into fancy either and with their table manners they definitely do not belong. Daydreams are fun, anyway. ] Reminds me, when I got back here the first thing I had was ice cream.
[ The Lack of Ice Cream. ]
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[ Vash is 150 and has worked every possible job that exists on No Man's Land under the suns, probably. This would not be surprising to Wolfwood whatsoever and yet it still takes him out. ]
Seriously? Of all the things?
[ Shoutout to W4 crimes... ice-cream-gate. ]
Where'd you manage to go snag that?
[ Ice cream... notoriously hard to get... ]
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New gelato place... It's a chain establishment from earth.
[ Is gelato ice cream? How would he know? It's close enough to him. ]
There's a shop location here if you want to check it out later. Thirteen flavors!
[ I've made it baskin robins gelato ]
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[ HIS BICEP. He smacks Vash's hand away and reaches for his bicep. Surely you are in like a normal shirt because you said you don't have the coat. Get over here for your squeeze, he knows you're actually ripped under there. ]
That's what Earth decided to bring?
[ PRIORITIES... isn't it wild that Earth managed to make contact with No Man's Land in like, what. A year maybe, between first contact at the ship and shit going on in the climax? And that's with Knives actively interfering with the communication and transport. Their universe is so theoretically hyper-advanced but they're cucked by basically being a shipwrecked portion of mankind. ]
That's a real specific number. What are the other ten?
[ Because he imagines three HAVE to be the classic vanilla-chocolate-strawberry. ]
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[ It's sincere, less gay than saying he wants to spoil and pamper Wolfwood. Vash is here in a dress shirt, yeah. Wolfwood can squeeze his bicep... It is hard. Yeah...
Earth is so incredibly advanced and I've chosen the priorities of some entrepreneurs is to see this as opportunity to peddle their wares to a bereft planet. Affordable ice cream for the masses. Imagine the sales.
Vash lists the other ten almost systematically. ]
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To be fair to Earth, ice cream would legitimately sell like crazy on this planet, so like. Yeah. Actually literally worth bringing over and starting business. ]
Who the hell wants to eat something called rocky road?
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And, sorry, Vash will spoil him in bursts before fucking off. ]
It's a weird name for a flavor, but the ingredients sound good? Chocolate ice cream, nuts, marshmallow, and brownie bits.
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He considers it. That does sound like a good spread of things. ]
Alright, we're gettin' it tomorrow.
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[ Vash wasn't even sure... What is Wolfwood's favorite flavor for desserts. He only knows the guy really likes noodles of all types based on their travels. He'll begin gathering their trash and throwing it away now. ]
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[ And maybe twice if they really like it. Wolfwood does not have a distinct favourite for when it comes to sweets, he hasn't indulged enough to pick one yet. ]
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[ Into the bin with all their garbage! And their little room is anew.
Does Wolfwood mind if he sits on his lap... The guy is in the chair still, right? He rests a hand on his thigh, but unsexy.
In a whisper: ]
May I sit here, too?
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[ As basic as it is, vanilla is tasty... especially if it's proper vanilla. I cannot give an opinion on pistachio because I think it's bad on account of disliking nuts :(. Also help the fact that you had to specify unsexy, why is he whispering. Wolfwood raises a brow about it as he's finishing off his dessert, wiping his fingers off on a napkin and tossing it to the bin. Kobe... score. ]
You don't usually ask before you drape yourself all over me. Not plannin' anything funny, are you?
[ Are you sure you don't want him to move back to the bed rather than risk falling over in this desk + chair combo? ]
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[ Berries be a luxury, but real vanilla bean is also a luxury. He's whispering just for dramatic effect, sir... And with that he sits on Wolfwood's lap, legs dangled over one armrest while he settles against him. His head rests along his shoulder—no tomfoolery here.
They're balanced enough where they have no fear of toppling over. If Wolfwood thinks this is dangerous, then he can move them with his stiff biceps. ]
I've never sat on you before. [ Recalling things. No, he has sat on him. ] Like this. So I thought I'd ask
[ For the sake of being close, granted even if Wolfwood said no there was a chance he'd clamber on, anyway. ]
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Yeah, that's what I thought.
[ When Vash corrects himself because you have most certainly sat on him before. At least once in the UG alone, Wolfwood being a sore loser over his own nerfed ass, crushed beneath Vash's weight. ]
So, to what do I owe this visit?
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Something in him wants to comment on how he misses being able to overpower Wolfwood without considering tapping into his abnormal strength, but decides to let it go with a huff. Putting on a display and show, his tone changes to be higher-pitched. It's an attempt to sound like an impressionable person. ]
I am here to thank you, kind sir, for going out and getting us food.
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Yeah? Was your idea of thanking me just crushin' my thighs or what?
[ Shitheel it is. ]
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The tone drops because HE HAS TO FIGHT. ]
Your legs that weak?
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[ Shifts his legs and Vash's weight on him to return it back to whatever feels most comfortable. You know how when you're sitting relaxed... thighs soft. But if you put great weight on top of that, it kinda hurts. It's that.
He draws his hand from Vash's hip up his back, applying a bit of pressure, a physical and implicit ask to come lean down a little. ]
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Stop... How can he fight you when he feels that hand gently guiding him to lean down. He allows himself to be go wherever Wolfwood wants him, nesting more atop him despite the complaints about his weight as a full-grown man. He's... a little nervous because he doesn't remember the last time he was this close to someone for this long without it being a joke. Or his attempt at being wasted to hell. ]
Woof woof?
[ He can pretend to be a lapdog. Who can stop him?! ]
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[ He was gonna kill two birds with one stone, distribute Vash's weight better and maybe steal a kiss. However it's hard allegedly when he's woofing at you, though it obviously doesn't stop him from sitting back in his seat a little more comfortably. ]
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[ Some silence to pair with his surprise, no woof to be uttered or heard, since he isn't used to Wolfwood being affectionate... Their time in the Underground was fraught with stress and tension after all.
Well, since Wolfwood was wondering, Vash gives him a small peck. It isn't so much of an actual kiss as it's him pressing his face to Wolfwood's cheek. There's no small smacking noise or purse of his lips, no suffering a strong scent of burrito breath... Just the faint lingering aroma from food recently consumed clinging onto whatever it can.
You never know where life takes you... One day the apocalypse kicks off, the next you smell like beef, cheese, and fried dough. ]
There.
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You don't gotta look that surprised.
[ DAMN. He can be a little lovable sometimes, right? Right?! Anyway something about this makes him want to pet Vash's hair behind the ears. The inherent instinct to wish to pet animal, it is here. Does he still maintain that undercut?
Either way, somewhat sated by sorta-smooch-maybe-more-like-nuzzle. He turns his head though and brushes his lips against Vash's cheek, pressing a kiss against the high or his cheekbone. ]
There, I was goin' more for something like this.
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There's an abrupt jerk as he straightens up and it makes the chair creak under their combined weight. ]
It's not because it's unlike you!
[ Despite being shitty and critical of Wolfwood for jokes a lot of the time, some the worst of times for his own good, one of the last things Vash would ever say is that Wolfwood (or anyone) isn't a loving person. While both of them are far from normal people, he wants Wolfwood to know he isn't different from others...
He isn't heartless or cold, just annoying and mean (with purpose). ]
I'm just surprised because I'm not used to it—[ Then he receives the kiss and he shuts up immediately.
It's one thing if they're in a romantic or desperately gay mood... It's a different beast if it's spontaneous? It really is unpredictable coming from Wolfwood and Vash is trying to mentally comprehend all of this despite the fluttering butterflies in his stomach. ]
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Yeah, that's right. Shut up a little before you talk yourself into something.
[ He says, perfectly content to be like this. He wasn't even remotely offended, it's like mock offense. He knows he's rough and gruff around the edges, and being softer is something he's definitely going to have to work on with Vash. It's hard to let those spikes down when their entire time together, it's been walking on eggshells and mines for so many reasons.
This is easier for him, acts of service and physical affection. It's his return for not saying 'I love you back' earlier in favour of trying not to shrivel in on himself. Not in a bad way, just another thing he has to warm up to.
Suffer and have a second nuzzle-kiss. ]
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